deep thoughts
"thoughts from a recovering worshipper"
Monday, October 05, 2009
last month, i was asked
to write an article on the subject of worship for a
Christian e-magazine. unfortunately, the article that
was published got edited a bit more than i'd have
liked. so, here's the article as i originally wrote
it.
-mb
______________________
"thoughts from a recovering worshipper"
I guess I’d consider myself a recovering worshipper. Like many, I grew up going to church and thinking that worship was something you did at an appointed time and place and in a particular way. Usually, the place was church and the time was at the beginning of the service before announcements and the message. (Sometimes, we’d worship as the plates were passed after the announcements, but this time was usually saved for what was labeled, “special music performance.”) Then there was the method of worship. Worship was always singing with a live worship band and was usually led by five or six well-dressed singers with amazing voices singing in perfect harmony. (Though, occasionally, they’d let the guy with the country voice lead so as to reach another demographic. I was not in this demographic.) Does any of this sound familiar to you?
The problem for me was not the “how” of worship. Of course you can worship with six singers (or even, I suppose, a country singer). The problem came in the “why.” The “why” for worship was never incredibly compelling to me. Yes… we worship because God is worthy of our worship… but why before the announcements? Why with three “praise” songs followed by one “worship” song? Why was worship always through singing? I always felt like I was worshipping because somebody else decided it was time. There had to be more.
A few months ago, I was working on our Tru curriculum with my friend, Kit. (Kit also happens to be our Children’s Pastor.) I was trying to find the right words to explain our philosophy of transformational learning when Kit gave me a great word picture. He said that traditional Christian education approaches learning like collecting. It’s as though kids are given a bag, and throughout their lives they collect information to be put into their bag. The bag, however, is something that they can hold at a distance or even leave behind at some point. It isn’t a part of them. It doesn’t change them. In fact, sometimes, it weighs them down. In contrast, transformational learning uses the same information to change the person. Instead of holding the info in a bag, it becomes a part of who they are and changes their identity. It focuses on allowing a person to encounter God and be transformed.
Needless to say, I loved his description. The picture he painted described my own education in Christianity flawlessly. I memorized stories and verses. I knew that the ark was built out of gopher wood. (Though I’m still not sure what gopher wood is.) I could list the books of the Bible, the Ten Commandments and the twelve apostles. But did any of this transform me? Not really.
When I was a younger man and was off at college, I took an internship with the college group at the local church. This is where my transformation began. In many ways, God began to reveal His character to me. In doing so, I began to see my true identity in Him. Whenever this would happen, I would want to respond somehow. Actually, it was more than that. I would need to respond. Apparently, I was in good company. Throughout scriptures, we see examples of people finding ways to respond to God’s goodness.
In Exodus 15, when God has lead the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt and across the dry ground of the Red Sea, His people respond by singing songs to Him. In 1 Samuel 7, when God is faithful to deliver His people in battle, Samuel stops to respond by setting up the Ebenezer Stone. Or look at the people in Acts who witness the day of Pentecost. After the Spirit descends on them, they respond by giving up everything they have to the cause of Christ. In Romans 12:1, Paul tells us that our response to God’s wisdom, knowledge and glory should be to give our lives to Him. He says that this response is our spiritual act of worship.
Worship is our response to God’s power and glory. It’s our response to who He is. One thing that was very different about the college group I was interning with was that we did the bulk of our worship after the message. Worship was a response to the ways God had revealed Himself. Some people sang. Some danced. Others prayed, tithed or took communion with friends and strangers. Some stayed for a little while and others stayed for a long time. Sometimes we’d sing a few songs and other times we’d worship for hours into the night. In each instance, we were choosing to respond to God by sacrificing our time, our money, our energy, our voices and anything else we could. For the first time, I got the “why” behind worship.
This has fueled much of the work I’m doing today. At ROCKHARBOR church, we also provide the opportunity for response after experiences with God. For years, we’ve provided response options that flow directly out of the message as a way for adults to worship. About a year ago, we began providing the same kinds of opportunities to our kids. I’ve never seen anything like it. Kids as young as three and four years old choosing how they will respond to God in worship. They’re experiencing something I didn’t until I was 20.
When I think of what I want for this next generation, this is it! I don’t particularly care if they know about the gopher wood, but I do care that they know who God is. I want them to know His character. I want their identity to be found and formed in Him and who He has created them to be. I want life transformation that elicits response. I want to see kids who have been impacted and changed by the very Spirit of God and are compelled to worship Him.
As people who are called to minister to the children of the next generation, it is upon us to replicate our faith in them. If we can help our kids experience God and make sure they are free to respond in worship, they’ll see a world impacted and changed by Christ through them.
-mb
______________________
"thoughts from a recovering worshipper"
I guess I’d consider myself a recovering worshipper. Like many, I grew up going to church and thinking that worship was something you did at an appointed time and place and in a particular way. Usually, the place was church and the time was at the beginning of the service before announcements and the message. (Sometimes, we’d worship as the plates were passed after the announcements, but this time was usually saved for what was labeled, “special music performance.”) Then there was the method of worship. Worship was always singing with a live worship band and was usually led by five or six well-dressed singers with amazing voices singing in perfect harmony. (Though, occasionally, they’d let the guy with the country voice lead so as to reach another demographic. I was not in this demographic.) Does any of this sound familiar to you?
The problem for me was not the “how” of worship. Of course you can worship with six singers (or even, I suppose, a country singer). The problem came in the “why.” The “why” for worship was never incredibly compelling to me. Yes… we worship because God is worthy of our worship… but why before the announcements? Why with three “praise” songs followed by one “worship” song? Why was worship always through singing? I always felt like I was worshipping because somebody else decided it was time. There had to be more.
A few months ago, I was working on our Tru curriculum with my friend, Kit. (Kit also happens to be our Children’s Pastor.) I was trying to find the right words to explain our philosophy of transformational learning when Kit gave me a great word picture. He said that traditional Christian education approaches learning like collecting. It’s as though kids are given a bag, and throughout their lives they collect information to be put into their bag. The bag, however, is something that they can hold at a distance or even leave behind at some point. It isn’t a part of them. It doesn’t change them. In fact, sometimes, it weighs them down. In contrast, transformational learning uses the same information to change the person. Instead of holding the info in a bag, it becomes a part of who they are and changes their identity. It focuses on allowing a person to encounter God and be transformed.
Needless to say, I loved his description. The picture he painted described my own education in Christianity flawlessly. I memorized stories and verses. I knew that the ark was built out of gopher wood. (Though I’m still not sure what gopher wood is.) I could list the books of the Bible, the Ten Commandments and the twelve apostles. But did any of this transform me? Not really.
When I was a younger man and was off at college, I took an internship with the college group at the local church. This is where my transformation began. In many ways, God began to reveal His character to me. In doing so, I began to see my true identity in Him. Whenever this would happen, I would want to respond somehow. Actually, it was more than that. I would need to respond. Apparently, I was in good company. Throughout scriptures, we see examples of people finding ways to respond to God’s goodness.
In Exodus 15, when God has lead the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt and across the dry ground of the Red Sea, His people respond by singing songs to Him. In 1 Samuel 7, when God is faithful to deliver His people in battle, Samuel stops to respond by setting up the Ebenezer Stone. Or look at the people in Acts who witness the day of Pentecost. After the Spirit descends on them, they respond by giving up everything they have to the cause of Christ. In Romans 12:1, Paul tells us that our response to God’s wisdom, knowledge and glory should be to give our lives to Him. He says that this response is our spiritual act of worship.
Worship is our response to God’s power and glory. It’s our response to who He is. One thing that was very different about the college group I was interning with was that we did the bulk of our worship after the message. Worship was a response to the ways God had revealed Himself. Some people sang. Some danced. Others prayed, tithed or took communion with friends and strangers. Some stayed for a little while and others stayed for a long time. Sometimes we’d sing a few songs and other times we’d worship for hours into the night. In each instance, we were choosing to respond to God by sacrificing our time, our money, our energy, our voices and anything else we could. For the first time, I got the “why” behind worship.
This has fueled much of the work I’m doing today. At ROCKHARBOR church, we also provide the opportunity for response after experiences with God. For years, we’ve provided response options that flow directly out of the message as a way for adults to worship. About a year ago, we began providing the same kinds of opportunities to our kids. I’ve never seen anything like it. Kids as young as three and four years old choosing how they will respond to God in worship. They’re experiencing something I didn’t until I was 20.
When I think of what I want for this next generation, this is it! I don’t particularly care if they know about the gopher wood, but I do care that they know who God is. I want them to know His character. I want their identity to be found and formed in Him and who He has created them to be. I want life transformation that elicits response. I want to see kids who have been impacted and changed by the very Spirit of God and are compelled to worship Him.
As people who are called to minister to the children of the next generation, it is upon us to replicate our faith in them. If we can help our kids experience God and make sure they are free to respond in worship, they’ll see a world impacted and changed by Christ through them.
|
"mowing the lawn or developing families?"
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
i like to go on walks.
i’m naturally an extravert and don’t need inordinate
amounts of alone time, but my walks are my sacred
time. this is something i discovered early on last
year. for some reason, my walks tend to be where God
talks to me the most. as i walk and my mind wanders,
God reveals things to me that He doesn’t in other
places. i’m not sure why this is, but i’ve been
taking advantage of the discovery on a pretty regular
basis for a while now.
today is 3rd Wednesday (a monthly day of prayer and reflection at ROCKHARBOR). so, i thought it would be good to start my day with a walk before heading out to the noon prayer gathering. as i was walking along pondering the meaning of the universe or wondering why God made Mountain Dew taste so good, i stopped to take notice of my surroundings. down the way, i saw a man mowing the thin strip of grass that runs along Jamboree in between Campus and Dupont. it’s a long strip of grass and while it’s not very wide, it would take three or four trips up and down the strip to mow all of it. i’m ashamed to admit that normally, i wouldn’t take the time to even notice someone doing something like that. but, for some reason, i did today.
as i was walking along pondering my next steps in developing families at ROCKHARBOR, here is a guy mowing the lawn. his job is to push a lawn mower up and down this ridiculously long strip of grass three or four times before moving on to the next ridiculously long strip of grass. as i got closer, i noticed something... the guy was smiling. he was enjoying his work. here i am, starting to feel sorry for this poor guy pushing a lawn mower (which, in my mind, i’ve equated to Sisyphus pushing his rock), when he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself. he was doing his job. the same as i do mine. and yet, for some reason, i was (without thinking about it) ready to write him and his job off as unimportant in my worldview. (which is funny because if he wasn’t doing his job, i’m the idiot who’d be complaining that the grass was overgrown and wondering where my association fees were going. uggh. i’m a moron.)
i know this isn’t the most profound realization ever, but for some reason, it hit me hard today. i’m not that great. i’m definitely no better than the guy pushing the lawn mower. even more importantly, God loves that guy just as much as He loves me. (fortunately, God doesn’t love on a rating scale because that guy just might deserve God’s love more than i do.) why are we so quick to dismiss somebody like that? i guess i shouldn’t say “we.” maybe you don’t. i hope you don’t.
i hope i don’t... anymore.
that’s all.
today is 3rd Wednesday (a monthly day of prayer and reflection at ROCKHARBOR). so, i thought it would be good to start my day with a walk before heading out to the noon prayer gathering. as i was walking along pondering the meaning of the universe or wondering why God made Mountain Dew taste so good, i stopped to take notice of my surroundings. down the way, i saw a man mowing the thin strip of grass that runs along Jamboree in between Campus and Dupont. it’s a long strip of grass and while it’s not very wide, it would take three or four trips up and down the strip to mow all of it. i’m ashamed to admit that normally, i wouldn’t take the time to even notice someone doing something like that. but, for some reason, i did today.
as i was walking along pondering my next steps in developing families at ROCKHARBOR, here is a guy mowing the lawn. his job is to push a lawn mower up and down this ridiculously long strip of grass three or four times before moving on to the next ridiculously long strip of grass. as i got closer, i noticed something... the guy was smiling. he was enjoying his work. here i am, starting to feel sorry for this poor guy pushing a lawn mower (which, in my mind, i’ve equated to Sisyphus pushing his rock), when he wasn’t feeling sorry for himself. he was doing his job. the same as i do mine. and yet, for some reason, i was (without thinking about it) ready to write him and his job off as unimportant in my worldview. (which is funny because if he wasn’t doing his job, i’m the idiot who’d be complaining that the grass was overgrown and wondering where my association fees were going. uggh. i’m a moron.)
i know this isn’t the most profound realization ever, but for some reason, it hit me hard today. i’m not that great. i’m definitely no better than the guy pushing the lawn mower. even more importantly, God loves that guy just as much as He loves me. (fortunately, God doesn’t love on a rating scale because that guy just might deserve God’s love more than i do.) why are we so quick to dismiss somebody like that? i guess i shouldn’t say “we.” maybe you don’t. i hope you don’t.
i hope i don’t... anymore.
that’s all.
"isn't Noah and the Ark such a cute story about death and destruction?"
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
we’ve been talking a
lot lately (both at RH
and in my internship class at Biola) about how we
tell stories. mostly, we’ve been talking about how we
tend to tell them wrong.
for instance, we make Noah and the Ark this cute little story we tell kids about animals and boats. we make it so cute that people make little cartoon pictures about it and put them up in nurseries and whatnot. this is jacked up.
Noah’s story is about God’s vengeance on a world that had forsaken Him and His covenant with all of creation thereafter. He destroyed the world. i totally understand why we would celebrate this with our youngest children. (that’s called sarcasm... there’s no really good way to denote that in text.)
anyway, i was out shopping tonight for ugly Christmas sweaters (for our staff party tomorrow) and i saw this and it made me laugh because it’s EXACTLY what i’ve been talking about. enjoy.
for instance, we make Noah and the Ark this cute little story we tell kids about animals and boats. we make it so cute that people make little cartoon pictures about it and put them up in nurseries and whatnot. this is jacked up.
Noah’s story is about God’s vengeance on a world that had forsaken Him and His covenant with all of creation thereafter. He destroyed the world. i totally understand why we would celebrate this with our youngest children. (that’s called sarcasm... there’s no really good way to denote that in text.)
anyway, i was out shopping tonight for ugly Christmas sweaters (for our staff party tomorrow) and i saw this and it made me laugh because it’s EXACTLY what i’ve been talking about. enjoy.
"simple"
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
today’s word was
“simple.” it was a relaxing day and Stacy gave me a
picture frame.
aside from this week being my birthday week, at ROCKHARBOR it’s also been what we’ve been calling “seek week.” you see, this weekend we’re launching the new “awakening” vision for the next year. but a few weeks ago, Todd felt like God was saying that we needed to really hand the new vision over to Him in prayer. so, he and the Strat Team called for a week of prayer. everyone on staff was asked to do the bare minimum this week as far as work is concerned. prayer meetings were called every day at 6 am, noon and 7 pm. the entire community was invited to the prayer meetings. also, we had people in The Centre all day every day for anyone who needed prayer.
to be honest, i didn’t think people were going to get into it. i couldn’t have been more wrong. i haven’t made it to any of the 6 am meetings, but the noon meetings have had a couple hundred people at them (people coming on their lunch breaks) and the evening meetings have all had around 1,000 people! it’s been pretty amazing. and we’ve seen some pretty amazing stuff.
tonight was the highlight of the week (so far) for me. the theme of tonight was prayer for our families. Michelle and Roger led a time of directed prayer for the families of our nation, community and church. but the best was when Michelle led the parents in a time of praying blessings over their children. parents all over the room were looking their children in the eyes, telling them how much they loved them and praying for them. it was incredible.
i prayed with one family where the mom was looking her 9 year old in the eyes and telling her she loved her and praying over her. as she finished, her seven year old daughter (who was adopted from Iran last year) looked at her mom and said “mommy, bless me... bless me now!” the mom was crying. the daughters experienced the love of their mother and the love of God. and this was happening with dozens of families all over The Centre.
one thing that happens quite often with our Families team is that was have to “afterglow” (as Michelle calls it). basically, it just means that when we have an event or a cool experience, our team just feels the need to sit around and talk about it and revel in the greatness of the moment. tonight, some of us decided to do this at Norm’s. so, we all headed down to Norm’s and had some late night greasy food and laughed a lot.
it was perfect.
it was simple.
oh... and for some reason, as we were leaving, there were two middle-aged men playing football in the parking lot of Norm’s at 1.00 am. weird.
aside from this week being my birthday week, at ROCKHARBOR it’s also been what we’ve been calling “seek week.” you see, this weekend we’re launching the new “awakening” vision for the next year. but a few weeks ago, Todd felt like God was saying that we needed to really hand the new vision over to Him in prayer. so, he and the Strat Team called for a week of prayer. everyone on staff was asked to do the bare minimum this week as far as work is concerned. prayer meetings were called every day at 6 am, noon and 7 pm. the entire community was invited to the prayer meetings. also, we had people in The Centre all day every day for anyone who needed prayer.
to be honest, i didn’t think people were going to get into it. i couldn’t have been more wrong. i haven’t made it to any of the 6 am meetings, but the noon meetings have had a couple hundred people at them (people coming on their lunch breaks) and the evening meetings have all had around 1,000 people! it’s been pretty amazing. and we’ve seen some pretty amazing stuff.
tonight was the highlight of the week (so far) for me. the theme of tonight was prayer for our families. Michelle and Roger led a time of directed prayer for the families of our nation, community and church. but the best was when Michelle led the parents in a time of praying blessings over their children. parents all over the room were looking their children in the eyes, telling them how much they loved them and praying for them. it was incredible.
i prayed with one family where the mom was looking her 9 year old in the eyes and telling her she loved her and praying over her. as she finished, her seven year old daughter (who was adopted from Iran last year) looked at her mom and said “mommy, bless me... bless me now!” the mom was crying. the daughters experienced the love of their mother and the love of God. and this was happening with dozens of families all over The Centre.
one thing that happens quite often with our Families team is that was have to “afterglow” (as Michelle calls it). basically, it just means that when we have an event or a cool experience, our team just feels the need to sit around and talk about it and revel in the greatness of the moment. tonight, some of us decided to do this at Norm’s. so, we all headed down to Norm’s and had some late night greasy food and laughed a lot.
it was perfect.
it was simple.
oh... and for some reason, as we were leaving, there were two middle-aged men playing football in the parking lot of Norm’s at 1.00 am. weird.
"my significant insignificance and maybe too much information"
Saturday, August 02, 2008
as i’ve been here in
Maui for the past few days, i’ve been spending a lot
of my time reading in preparation for my first
college teaching assignment at Biola this fall. the
book that i’ve been spending most of my time on is by
a pastor from Simi Valley named Francis Chan and is
called Crazy
Love. (by
the way, i absolutely recommend that you go straight
to amazon.com or wherever after you’re done reading
this and pick up this book.)
the book is really challenging. it really makes you think about who God is and who we are in relationship to Him. it makes you deal with the realities of what God really expects from us and the appropriate ways to respond to His crazy love for us.
there’s a part of the book that talks about how small we are in reality. it even points to a video (“the awe factor of God”) on Francis’ website where he (very briefly) shows how small we are in the grand design of the cosmos. (it’s pretty crazy really.) anyway, all of this is good and somewhat impactful when you’re reading it in a book, but you have to encounter it for it to really hit you hard. (at least, i do.)
tonight, i went out for a walk. (i go on night walks at least a few nights a week if not more. it’s how i wind down and process the day with God.) anyhow, i was walking up and down our neighborhood here in Kaanapali having a nice little walk and talk with God when i hit a dark spot... the in-between spot for two streetlights. i hit that spot and, for some reason, i looked up. it was amazing.
there were so many stars. and it seemed like, the more i stared at the sky, the more stars appeared. as if they were responding to my gaze, stars started popping out of the blackness and the void of space began to fill with specks of light. i literally couldn’t move for a moment. suddenly, the things i had just been talking with God about seemed rather insignificant. in fact, life in general seemed pretty insignificant.
i was reminded of Francis’ video and the fact that all of those stars that i could see (including ours) when put together are but a speck of light from a perspective outside of our galaxy. suddenly, the Earth felt pretty small and insignificant. and if the whole Earth is small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe, what does that say about me?
but here’s the weird part. the fact that God created all of that and still cares about what could easily be considered the insignificant details of my life is pretty insane to think about. to Him, they’re not insignificant. to Him, i’m not insignificant. to Him, i matter and so do the details of my life. that just doesn’t make any sense to me. (not that i’m complaining!)
suddenly, all i wanted to do was worship God somehow. and then it happened. (and this is the part that might be considered too much information.) as i began to contemplate how i could possibly respond in an appropriate manner, my dinner began to settle, my stomach growled and, standing there in the middle of the street looking up at the stars... i farted.
immediately i started to laugh at the irony of that moment. i mean... not only am i a small, seemingly (and reasonably so) insignificant being, but i’m gross and, in this moment, gassy. and yet, even in the midst of the great cosmos that He created, He still cares. as disgusting as i can be (both inside and out), He still loves me with an unbelievable love.
i’m not totally sure how to respond to the crazy love that God has for me. but, now i’m on a quest to figure it out.
- barnes
ps... if you wanna be blown away by how small we really are, check out the wikipedia entry on galaxies. after i just read that, i’m feeling even smaller. (each galaxy has somewhere between 10 million and 1 trillion stars and there are more than 100 billion galaxies out there! we’re just on one tiny little rock orbitting one of those stars in one of those galaxies. freakin’ crazy!)
the book is really challenging. it really makes you think about who God is and who we are in relationship to Him. it makes you deal with the realities of what God really expects from us and the appropriate ways to respond to His crazy love for us.
there’s a part of the book that talks about how small we are in reality. it even points to a video (“the awe factor of God”) on Francis’ website where he (very briefly) shows how small we are in the grand design of the cosmos. (it’s pretty crazy really.) anyway, all of this is good and somewhat impactful when you’re reading it in a book, but you have to encounter it for it to really hit you hard. (at least, i do.)
tonight, i went out for a walk. (i go on night walks at least a few nights a week if not more. it’s how i wind down and process the day with God.) anyhow, i was walking up and down our neighborhood here in Kaanapali having a nice little walk and talk with God when i hit a dark spot... the in-between spot for two streetlights. i hit that spot and, for some reason, i looked up. it was amazing.
there were so many stars. and it seemed like, the more i stared at the sky, the more stars appeared. as if they were responding to my gaze, stars started popping out of the blackness and the void of space began to fill with specks of light. i literally couldn’t move for a moment. suddenly, the things i had just been talking with God about seemed rather insignificant. in fact, life in general seemed pretty insignificant.
i was reminded of Francis’ video and the fact that all of those stars that i could see (including ours) when put together are but a speck of light from a perspective outside of our galaxy. suddenly, the Earth felt pretty small and insignificant. and if the whole Earth is small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe, what does that say about me?
but here’s the weird part. the fact that God created all of that and still cares about what could easily be considered the insignificant details of my life is pretty insane to think about. to Him, they’re not insignificant. to Him, i’m not insignificant. to Him, i matter and so do the details of my life. that just doesn’t make any sense to me. (not that i’m complaining!)
suddenly, all i wanted to do was worship God somehow. and then it happened. (and this is the part that might be considered too much information.) as i began to contemplate how i could possibly respond in an appropriate manner, my dinner began to settle, my stomach growled and, standing there in the middle of the street looking up at the stars... i farted.
immediately i started to laugh at the irony of that moment. i mean... not only am i a small, seemingly (and reasonably so) insignificant being, but i’m gross and, in this moment, gassy. and yet, even in the midst of the great cosmos that He created, He still cares. as disgusting as i can be (both inside and out), He still loves me with an unbelievable love.
i’m not totally sure how to respond to the crazy love that God has for me. but, now i’m on a quest to figure it out.
- barnes
ps... if you wanna be blown away by how small we really are, check out the wikipedia entry on galaxies. after i just read that, i’m feeling even smaller. (each galaxy has somewhere between 10 million and 1 trillion stars and there are more than 100 billion galaxies out there! we’re just on one tiny little rock orbitting one of those stars in one of those galaxies. freakin’ crazy!)
"the freedom of total surrender"
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
a lot of Christians
talk about how we're supposed to try to be loving
with the love of Christ or loving as Christ loves.
it's a great and, i believe, well intentioned
sentiment. in fact, it's one that i've often been
known to endorse. (see my blog entry for
12.20.06
entitled "all you need is
love.")
recently however, i've changed my mind. i'm done
trying.
let's be honest. there is no possible way for us to love the way the Christ does. i mean... He's totally and completely unconditional in His love... He's unbelievably patient, thoroughly selfless, undeniably good, completely joyful, unsettlingly peaceful, overwhelmingly kind and ridiculously patient. He shows mercy and grace to people who don't, for any reason, deserve it and He is the definition of sacrificial love. and, He is all of these things all the time. so, if the call in our lives is to be like that... to love like that... we're screwed from the start. we've been set up for failure. we don't stand a chance. it's a good thing that He doesn't expect that of us.
i know what you're thinking... "um... yes He does! i've read my Bible (or not). i've gone to church (or not). i've heard the stories. that's exactly what He calls us to!" nope. God's not that mean. He's not the God that sets us up for unavoidable failure. i mean, i feel like a God that would do that doesn't fit into the criteria listed in the previous paragraph. so, what are His expectations of us? the only answer that could possibly make any sense is that God expects nothing less than a total surrender of our lives to HIm. oh.... that's all.
we all know that we're not capable of perfect love. we have sin in our nature and the one's who taught us to love did too. the one's we look to for that perfect love in our lives (our parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, kids, best friends, etc...) are imperfect just like us. no wonder we're always let down by love. but God is different.
the Bible says that God is love (1 John 4:8). He IS love. that doesn't mean that God is lovING. it doesn't mean that He likes love or tries to show love. it means that He is the embodiment of love. obviously, we aren't God. for us to ever think we could attain God's love is to believe that we could be God and that is (as Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords would say) a preposterous hypothesis.
so, God gave us another way. He gave us Himself. more specifically, He gave us His Spirit. when we accept Jesus as God, the Holy Spirit of God comes to live in us. and since God is love... we suddenly have the embodiment of love living in our soul. so the challenge becomes not to choose to show all of the attributes of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 (as i had previously supposed), but to choose to let God work through us. to set aside our own selfish desires and allow God to do His thing in and through us. to totally surrender our own will to the will of God. only then can the people around us really experience the love of God through us.
with the majority of Christians (including myself) running around trying to act like God and failing miserably, is it any wonder that non-Christians often despise us? (i despise us half the time!) we look ridiculous as we preach one thing and then fall flat on our faces using every ounce of our human weakness to live up to the unreachable standards we've set for ourselves and the world. no wonder we're regarded as morons. it's time to let it go. it's time to stop trying to act like Christ and, instead, put ourselves aside let Christ act through us.
there is great freedom in this recognition of our limitations. now, the pressure that we put on ourselves to be more Christ-like can be lifted. (this is a relief since the effort is really pretty futile.) instead of praying for the strength to be able to love like Christ, pray instead that you would be able to surrender to His will and be filled to the fullness of His Spirit as Paul did in his letter to the Ephesians. then, God (love Himself) will shine through you.
let's be honest. there is no possible way for us to love the way the Christ does. i mean... He's totally and completely unconditional in His love... He's unbelievably patient, thoroughly selfless, undeniably good, completely joyful, unsettlingly peaceful, overwhelmingly kind and ridiculously patient. He shows mercy and grace to people who don't, for any reason, deserve it and He is the definition of sacrificial love. and, He is all of these things all the time. so, if the call in our lives is to be like that... to love like that... we're screwed from the start. we've been set up for failure. we don't stand a chance. it's a good thing that He doesn't expect that of us.
i know what you're thinking... "um... yes He does! i've read my Bible (or not). i've gone to church (or not). i've heard the stories. that's exactly what He calls us to!" nope. God's not that mean. He's not the God that sets us up for unavoidable failure. i mean, i feel like a God that would do that doesn't fit into the criteria listed in the previous paragraph. so, what are His expectations of us? the only answer that could possibly make any sense is that God expects nothing less than a total surrender of our lives to HIm. oh.... that's all.
we all know that we're not capable of perfect love. we have sin in our nature and the one's who taught us to love did too. the one's we look to for that perfect love in our lives (our parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, kids, best friends, etc...) are imperfect just like us. no wonder we're always let down by love. but God is different.
the Bible says that God is love (1 John 4:8). He IS love. that doesn't mean that God is lovING. it doesn't mean that He likes love or tries to show love. it means that He is the embodiment of love. obviously, we aren't God. for us to ever think we could attain God's love is to believe that we could be God and that is (as Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords would say) a preposterous hypothesis.
so, God gave us another way. He gave us Himself. more specifically, He gave us His Spirit. when we accept Jesus as God, the Holy Spirit of God comes to live in us. and since God is love... we suddenly have the embodiment of love living in our soul. so the challenge becomes not to choose to show all of the attributes of love found in 1 Corinthians 13 (as i had previously supposed), but to choose to let God work through us. to set aside our own selfish desires and allow God to do His thing in and through us. to totally surrender our own will to the will of God. only then can the people around us really experience the love of God through us.
with the majority of Christians (including myself) running around trying to act like God and failing miserably, is it any wonder that non-Christians often despise us? (i despise us half the time!) we look ridiculous as we preach one thing and then fall flat on our faces using every ounce of our human weakness to live up to the unreachable standards we've set for ourselves and the world. no wonder we're regarded as morons. it's time to let it go. it's time to stop trying to act like Christ and, instead, put ourselves aside let Christ act through us.
there is great freedom in this recognition of our limitations. now, the pressure that we put on ourselves to be more Christ-like can be lifted. (this is a relief since the effort is really pretty futile.) instead of praying for the strength to be able to love like Christ, pray instead that you would be able to surrender to His will and be filled to the fullness of His Spirit as Paul did in his letter to the Ephesians. then, God (love Himself) will shine through you.
"sabbatical - day ten and the stations of the cross"
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
it's been interesting
having this retreat at a Catholic mission. obviously,
i'm not Catholic and have never been able to
understand Catholicism much. out of curiosity, i
looked into it at one time. i wanted to understand
where all of the rituals, rules and traditions of the
Catholic church had come from. (since i couldn't find
them anywhere in the Bible.) it was interesting to
find that many of them were adapted from other
mystical religions because Constantine (who adopted
Christianity for the Roman Empire) didn't want to
make it too hard for people to convert. so, they kept
things like rosary beads, a hierarchy with bishops
and a pope and certain prayers and just changed the
names and meanings to fit Christianity. (obviously,
the very simplified version... but still pretty
accurate.) anyway, that was always hard for me to
swallow as it seems like the perfect example of
taking a simple relationship and offering of
salvation and turning it into religion with rules and
traditions that actually have nothing to do with the
relationship that was originally offered. however,
it's true that God can take anything and use it for
good. i've seen that in the last day here.
one thing that the Catholic church loves is its iconography. this is where we get the prevalent image of the cross. (we don't even question it. but we don't put up little electric chairs or bullets to remember others who have died. for some reason, displaying the method of torture and death when it involves Christ is considered normal and even spiritual.) the Catholic church took this instrument of death and turned it into a symbol of sacrifice and beauty. it's also a symbol of remembrance.
this morning, we were given a piece of paper with the 14 stations of the cross listed on it. each one had a short description and something to think and pray about. around a field, behind the mission, there is a road with the 14 stations of the cross. we were asked to walk the road, stopping at each station to read and pray. i was a little averse to this at first. i was wrong to be.
God took something out of someone else's religious background and used it in my life in a real way. the stations of the cross had/have me dealing with and processing issues of sacrifice, forgiveness, loss, injustice, failure, the needs of others, kindness and selfishness. it really became a time of intense self-reflection. it also highlighted a few things in my life that i need to deal with and work through with Him.
anyway, if you get a chance to do something like that... something that feels out of the ordinary or a little unfamiliar, don't pass it up. God can use it to change you in amazing ways.
also, we had breakfast and saw the largest rose i've ever seen in my life.
one thing that the Catholic church loves is its iconography. this is where we get the prevalent image of the cross. (we don't even question it. but we don't put up little electric chairs or bullets to remember others who have died. for some reason, displaying the method of torture and death when it involves Christ is considered normal and even spiritual.) the Catholic church took this instrument of death and turned it into a symbol of sacrifice and beauty. it's also a symbol of remembrance.
this morning, we were given a piece of paper with the 14 stations of the cross listed on it. each one had a short description and something to think and pray about. around a field, behind the mission, there is a road with the 14 stations of the cross. we were asked to walk the road, stopping at each station to read and pray. i was a little averse to this at first. i was wrong to be.
God took something out of someone else's religious background and used it in my life in a real way. the stations of the cross had/have me dealing with and processing issues of sacrifice, forgiveness, loss, injustice, failure, the needs of others, kindness and selfishness. it really became a time of intense self-reflection. it also highlighted a few things in my life that i need to deal with and work through with Him.
anyway, if you get a chance to do something like that... something that feels out of the ordinary or a little unfamiliar, don't pass it up. God can use it to change you in amazing ways.
also, we had breakfast and saw the largest rose i've ever seen in my life.
"positively negative"
Saturday, August 25, 2007
PROLOGUE
sometimes people say to me, "hey… you're into all that leadership crap, right?" i say back to them, "yes, i am." anyway, because i am, i sit around and think about things like this all day.
POSITIVELY NEGATIVE
in early 2007, Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, Inc, was faced with launching a new device that had the potential to revolutionize an industry. this device was, of course, the iPhone. Jobs knew that the tech reviewers could make or break the success of this device. he had three options. he could simply launch the device, wait for the reviews and ignore any critiques that might come. he could sacrifice his integrity and ask the reviewers not to print anything negative about the phone. (or even threaten them for being negative afterward.)
or he could take
another approach. the month before the biggest
product launch of his career, Jobs sent iPhone demo
units to the top tech reviewers in the country. over
the course of the next month, he personally kept in
daily contact with each of these reviewers. he
welcomed their questions, concerns and complaints
about the device. he explained things that needed
clarifying and he had changes made to the device
based upon their suggestions and experiences. because
he made these people valuable parts of the process,
when the iPhone launched, it did so to rave reviews
and the product launch was a huge success.
there's been a lot of talk about negativity lately. this is especially true in the church (and my experiences in the education system a few years back). the basic things that i keep hearing from people in positions of leadership are that people are too negative and need to stop being so because negativity destroys unity and makes things more difficult. and while, on the surface, that sounds great and true, most of these leaders are totally missing the point and a huge opportunity as well.
leaders (especially church ones) often say that negativity is wrong and use this to ask (or demand) that people would stop expressing their negative feelings. from the start, this is false thinking. negativity is a feeling. it is a feeling very much akin to anger. from a Christian perspective, we can look to Jesus' experience in the Temple to see that negativity (and the demonstration of it… especially in one's local religious establishment) is not something to condemn. Jesus saw that people were abusing the purpose of the Temple and He got angry and showed that anger. i'd say He was feeling pretty negative about the situation when He overturned those tables. however, it's true that negativity doesn't usually help cohesion or unity within an organization. so what is a leader to do?
leaders have three options when it comes to dealing with negativity in their organization. they can ignore it, attempt to squash it through confrontation or they can address the issues behind it. assuming that the goal is to extinguish the negativity in the end, the first option is obviously not going to help attain that goal. interestingly enough, most leaders seem to choose the second choice and squash the negativity through confrontation.
in this situation, the leader might call the person into his or her office, confront the behavior and ask (or demand) that it stop. what is the result of this? the person feels devalued and the negativity generally grows exponentially. in fact, the negativity tends to spread much more quickly because now the person feels personally devalued. see, the problem with this approach is that it's all about the leader and not about the person who has a problem. this approach says, "i care about me and the way you're making me look." because of this, it also says "i don't care about you, your thoughts or opinions or the way you feel."
the last option is to address the issues behind the negativity. the thing about feelings in general is that they are symptoms of a problem. feelings and emotions are reactions to something. so, while most leaders will go around and try to deal with each individual reaction or symptom, they're still not dealing with the root issues that are causing those symptoms. they may be putting out the fires (temporarily), but they aren't stopping the fire starters. addressing the issues behind the negativity is the answer to this.
in this scenario, the leader takes a genuine interest in the negative party or parties, seeks them out (they don't wait until the those involved approach them) and asks them why they feel the way that they do. they make themselves available to clarify what needs to be clarified (you'd be surprised how many times these things are due to miscommunication) or they listen and take the thoughts, feelings and opinions of the upset party (or parties) into consideration. they also take responsibility for mistakes they have made. whereas the second option says, "i want you to be quiet because you're making me look bad" and is all about the leader, the third option says, "you are a valued member of this organization and your opinions and feelings are important." it puts the focus on the member of the organization instead of the leader. in the end, not only have you accomplished your goal of extinguishing the negativity, but you have followers who feel valued and are more likely to be supportive in the future. Steve Jobs found this out with the iPhone launch. he realized that he'd rather have his critics working for him than against him and made them a valued part of the process. would it have been easier to simply ignore them or ask them to shut up? of course. his choice took much more time and effort, but in the end, it was more than worth it.
sometimes people say to me, "hey… you're into all that leadership crap, right?" i say back to them, "yes, i am." anyway, because i am, i sit around and think about things like this all day.
POSITIVELY NEGATIVE
in early 2007, Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, Inc, was faced with launching a new device that had the potential to revolutionize an industry. this device was, of course, the iPhone. Jobs knew that the tech reviewers could make or break the success of this device. he had three options. he could simply launch the device, wait for the reviews and ignore any critiques that might come. he could sacrifice his integrity and ask the reviewers not to print anything negative about the phone. (or even threaten them for being negative afterward.)
there's been a lot of talk about negativity lately. this is especially true in the church (and my experiences in the education system a few years back). the basic things that i keep hearing from people in positions of leadership are that people are too negative and need to stop being so because negativity destroys unity and makes things more difficult. and while, on the surface, that sounds great and true, most of these leaders are totally missing the point and a huge opportunity as well.
leaders (especially church ones) often say that negativity is wrong and use this to ask (or demand) that people would stop expressing their negative feelings. from the start, this is false thinking. negativity is a feeling. it is a feeling very much akin to anger. from a Christian perspective, we can look to Jesus' experience in the Temple to see that negativity (and the demonstration of it… especially in one's local religious establishment) is not something to condemn. Jesus saw that people were abusing the purpose of the Temple and He got angry and showed that anger. i'd say He was feeling pretty negative about the situation when He overturned those tables. however, it's true that negativity doesn't usually help cohesion or unity within an organization. so what is a leader to do?
leaders have three options when it comes to dealing with negativity in their organization. they can ignore it, attempt to squash it through confrontation or they can address the issues behind it. assuming that the goal is to extinguish the negativity in the end, the first option is obviously not going to help attain that goal. interestingly enough, most leaders seem to choose the second choice and squash the negativity through confrontation.
in this situation, the leader might call the person into his or her office, confront the behavior and ask (or demand) that it stop. what is the result of this? the person feels devalued and the negativity generally grows exponentially. in fact, the negativity tends to spread much more quickly because now the person feels personally devalued. see, the problem with this approach is that it's all about the leader and not about the person who has a problem. this approach says, "i care about me and the way you're making me look." because of this, it also says "i don't care about you, your thoughts or opinions or the way you feel."
the last option is to address the issues behind the negativity. the thing about feelings in general is that they are symptoms of a problem. feelings and emotions are reactions to something. so, while most leaders will go around and try to deal with each individual reaction or symptom, they're still not dealing with the root issues that are causing those symptoms. they may be putting out the fires (temporarily), but they aren't stopping the fire starters. addressing the issues behind the negativity is the answer to this.
in this scenario, the leader takes a genuine interest in the negative party or parties, seeks them out (they don't wait until the those involved approach them) and asks them why they feel the way that they do. they make themselves available to clarify what needs to be clarified (you'd be surprised how many times these things are due to miscommunication) or they listen and take the thoughts, feelings and opinions of the upset party (or parties) into consideration. they also take responsibility for mistakes they have made. whereas the second option says, "i want you to be quiet because you're making me look bad" and is all about the leader, the third option says, "you are a valued member of this organization and your opinions and feelings are important." it puts the focus on the member of the organization instead of the leader. in the end, not only have you accomplished your goal of extinguishing the negativity, but you have followers who feel valued and are more likely to be supportive in the future. Steve Jobs found this out with the iPhone launch. he realized that he'd rather have his critics working for him than against him and made them a valued part of the process. would it have been easier to simply ignore them or ask them to shut up? of course. his choice took much more time and effort, but in the end, it was more than worth it.
"the way it is... the way it could be... the way it should be"
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
it started about four
years ago. i've been going to church for my entire
life and just accepted the way it was. you go to
church on Sunday... you get some great message and
learn what it means to be a good Christian... you get
involved in other areas of the church to "give
back"... (this is what separates you from those who
just go to church to mooch or be social)... but it
was pretty "me-focused." four years ago, i started
thinking that maybe church should be
different.
it was at this point that my friend and pastor, Matthew Cork, asked me to read two books. one was called "An Unstoppable Force" (written by a guy called Erwin McManus) and the other was "The Purpose Driven Church" (written, of course, by Rick Warren who wrote "The Purpose Driven Life"). suddenly i realized that the church was not what it was supposed to be. the church, which had begun as a movement of epic proportions, had turned into a monument with no movement. what had started out as a living and growing organism had become a static and boring organization. what was supposed to be a powerful force in changing the world had evolved into an inwardly focused group of self-righteous and impotent people. (no wonder so many people hate Christians!) this got me started on a search to find out more about what the church should be.
last summer, i had the privilege of hearing Bono speak at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit. he talked about Africa (of course) and about how the church couldn't simply sit by and let the horrible things happening in the world happen anymore. he talked about how the church and the teachings of Christ were all about service to the "least of these" and how the church, for a long time, had seemed to forget these things. **
as i left the summit, i was talking with a friend of mine. i wondered what a church dedicated to being outwardly focused might look like. we talked about how exciting and different it would be to start a church that was all about giving back. all about using what it had to change the world. all about training up the people of God to take Him to the world not through preaching and bible-beating, but through acts of service. "a church like that," i told him, "i would want to be a part of!" ***
having studied it further, that's exactly what the church has been called to be. recently i came across Ephesians 4. i've read this before (probably many times) but the implications of it never hit me until now...
verses 11 and 12 say "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up..."
Paul is talking about what the purpose of the church is. he says that God gave different people different gifts but all for the purpose of building up the church so that they would be prepared for works of service. sounds like what Bono was getting at. (sometimes i hate that it takes an Irish rockstar to get people to figure things out and pay attention.)
so, yes... the church is supposed to build up its members. they are supposed to grow and support one another. they are supposed to be a community and a safe-haven for each other. however, this is only so that they can be healthy and strong (spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically) so that they can go and serve the people of this world.
imagine if even 1/2 of the churches in the world started living this out. even if 1/4 did, the world would be a very different place. Jesus was with the poor. Jesus ministered to the prostitutes and the tax collectors and the fishermen and the sick and the homeless and the rich and the people who lived lifestyles that didn't match up to Christian ideals. we should really be more like Jesus if that's who we're trying to serve. people might not hate us as much. who knows? they might even want to be a part.
- matt
** Bono also spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast last year and shared many of the same sentiments. you can read the very short book "On The Move" which is basically his speech that day with pictures. (pictures always make books better!)
*** a month after my friend and i were pondering these thoughts, ROCKHARBOR launched their "Give Yourself Away" vision which is all about training the church to go out and serve the world. their plan was almost exactly what we had been talking about (even down to some of our ideas and the details behind it all). he now works there.
it was at this point that my friend and pastor, Matthew Cork, asked me to read two books. one was called "An Unstoppable Force" (written by a guy called Erwin McManus) and the other was "The Purpose Driven Church" (written, of course, by Rick Warren who wrote "The Purpose Driven Life"). suddenly i realized that the church was not what it was supposed to be. the church, which had begun as a movement of epic proportions, had turned into a monument with no movement. what had started out as a living and growing organism had become a static and boring organization. what was supposed to be a powerful force in changing the world had evolved into an inwardly focused group of self-righteous and impotent people. (no wonder so many people hate Christians!) this got me started on a search to find out more about what the church should be.
last summer, i had the privilege of hearing Bono speak at the Willow Creek Leadership Summit. he talked about Africa (of course) and about how the church couldn't simply sit by and let the horrible things happening in the world happen anymore. he talked about how the church and the teachings of Christ were all about service to the "least of these" and how the church, for a long time, had seemed to forget these things. **
as i left the summit, i was talking with a friend of mine. i wondered what a church dedicated to being outwardly focused might look like. we talked about how exciting and different it would be to start a church that was all about giving back. all about using what it had to change the world. all about training up the people of God to take Him to the world not through preaching and bible-beating, but through acts of service. "a church like that," i told him, "i would want to be a part of!" ***
having studied it further, that's exactly what the church has been called to be. recently i came across Ephesians 4. i've read this before (probably many times) but the implications of it never hit me until now...
verses 11 and 12 say "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up..."
Paul is talking about what the purpose of the church is. he says that God gave different people different gifts but all for the purpose of building up the church so that they would be prepared for works of service. sounds like what Bono was getting at. (sometimes i hate that it takes an Irish rockstar to get people to figure things out and pay attention.)
so, yes... the church is supposed to build up its members. they are supposed to grow and support one another. they are supposed to be a community and a safe-haven for each other. however, this is only so that they can be healthy and strong (spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically) so that they can go and serve the people of this world.
imagine if even 1/2 of the churches in the world started living this out. even if 1/4 did, the world would be a very different place. Jesus was with the poor. Jesus ministered to the prostitutes and the tax collectors and the fishermen and the sick and the homeless and the rich and the people who lived lifestyles that didn't match up to Christian ideals. we should really be more like Jesus if that's who we're trying to serve. people might not hate us as much. who knows? they might even want to be a part.
- matt
** Bono also spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast last year and shared many of the same sentiments. you can read the very short book "On The Move" which is basically his speech that day with pictures. (pictures always make books better!)
*** a month after my friend and i were pondering these thoughts, ROCKHARBOR launched their "Give Yourself Away" vision which is all about training the church to go out and serve the world. their plan was almost exactly what we had been talking about (even down to some of our ideas and the details behind it all). he now works there.
"encheapened* (yes... i know it's not a word!)"
Sunday, May 20, 2007
being taken advantage
of is one of the worst feelings in the world.
the reason for this is that the person being taken advantage of is encheapened* (still not a word, i know) to the point that their value is only as great as that for which they are being taken advantage.
in other words, if you pretend to be my friend so that you can ride in my car, for example, my worth is suddenly equal to that of my car. (not in dollars or anything, but you get the idea.)
people are worth more than cars. people are worth more than a lot of things. in fact, i'd like to think that people are worth more than anything else there is. i mean, what else do we have that is worth what people are?
anyway, so it sucks pretty bad to realize that you're only worth something you have to somebody (even if it's only one person. even worse when it's more.) definitely the downside to having lots of things. it just means that more people can find something you have to equate your value with and therefore, devalue you as a person.
i'm going to try to stop encheapening people to the value of what they have. we all should. it's not nice to do. it's not a good feeling. nobody likes it.
"goodnight... and good luck."**
-matt
* the word "encheapened" was coined by the creators of Strong Bad and Homestar at www.homestarrunner.com
** that quote is not, as you might suspect, from the movie "Goodnight and Good Luck" or from Edward R. Murrow on whom that movie is based. it is from Michael Scott from the season finale of "The Office." just wanted to clear that up.
the reason for this is that the person being taken advantage of is encheapened* (still not a word, i know) to the point that their value is only as great as that for which they are being taken advantage.
in other words, if you pretend to be my friend so that you can ride in my car, for example, my worth is suddenly equal to that of my car. (not in dollars or anything, but you get the idea.)
people are worth more than cars. people are worth more than a lot of things. in fact, i'd like to think that people are worth more than anything else there is. i mean, what else do we have that is worth what people are?
anyway, so it sucks pretty bad to realize that you're only worth something you have to somebody (even if it's only one person. even worse when it's more.) definitely the downside to having lots of things. it just means that more people can find something you have to equate your value with and therefore, devalue you as a person.
i'm going to try to stop encheapening people to the value of what they have. we all should. it's not nice to do. it's not a good feeling. nobody likes it.
"goodnight... and good luck."**
-matt
* the word "encheapened" was coined by the creators of Strong Bad and Homestar at www.homestarrunner.com
** that quote is not, as you might suspect, from the movie "Goodnight and Good Luck" or from Edward R. Murrow on whom that movie is based. it is from Michael Scott from the season finale of "The Office." just wanted to clear that up.
"the old songs"
Saturday, March 03, 2007
i love it when i hear
an old song that meant something to me at some point
and it all comes rushing back. especially if i
haven't heard it in a long time and had forgotten
about it.
that happened today. this was a song i heard over and over growing up. my mom used to play this cassette tape over and over in the car everywhere we went. it was Amy Grant's "The Collection" album. if i hear any song off that album, it totally takes me back to when i was like six.
this particular song, however, reminds me more of college. i sorta rediscovered it my freshman year. when you hear a song as a young child, the meaning can be lost. so, when i heard it in college, it was a combination of nostalgia and discovery. now the song has many things associated with it.
anyway, it's a very simple song that serves as a great reminder for me when i get down on myself and feel like i have to be more or do more or whatever.
"All I Ever Have to Be"
when the weight of all my dreams
is resting heavy on my head
and the thoughtful words of help and hope
have all been nicely said
but i'm still hurting
wondering if i'll ever be the one
i think i am...
i think i am
then You gently re-remind me
that You made me from the first
and the more i try to be the best
the more i get the worst
and i realize the good in me
is only there because of who You are
who You are
and all i ever have to be is what You made me
any more or less would be a step out of Your plan
as You daily recreate me help me always keep in mind
that i only have to do what i can find
and all i ever have to be
all i have to be
all i ever have to be
is what You made in me
that happened today. this was a song i heard over and over growing up. my mom used to play this cassette tape over and over in the car everywhere we went. it was Amy Grant's "The Collection" album. if i hear any song off that album, it totally takes me back to when i was like six.
this particular song, however, reminds me more of college. i sorta rediscovered it my freshman year. when you hear a song as a young child, the meaning can be lost. so, when i heard it in college, it was a combination of nostalgia and discovery. now the song has many things associated with it.
anyway, it's a very simple song that serves as a great reminder for me when i get down on myself and feel like i have to be more or do more or whatever.
"All I Ever Have to Be"
when the weight of all my dreams
is resting heavy on my head
and the thoughtful words of help and hope
have all been nicely said
but i'm still hurting
wondering if i'll ever be the one
i think i am...
i think i am
then You gently re-remind me
that You made me from the first
and the more i try to be the best
the more i get the worst
and i realize the good in me
is only there because of who You are
who You are
and all i ever have to be is what You made me
any more or less would be a step out of Your plan
as You daily recreate me help me always keep in mind
that i only have to do what i can find
and all i ever have to be
all i have to be
all i ever have to be
is what You made in me
"death of a masseuse"
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
there are few things in
life as wonderful as a great massage. it’s probably
surprising for most people to know that i actually
don’t splurge on such things very regularly. however,
maybe three or four times a year i’ll decide to put
down the $60 and allow for the luxury of someone
beating the crap out of my back, neck, arms, legs,
hands and feet for an hour. (the feet is the best
part.)
about three years ago, my mom decided to get me a massage as a gift for my birthday or Christmas or something. anyway, she’d been going to this woman for a long time and hooked me up. upon arriving i was a little... thrown off.
you have to understand... when men think of massages, our minds instantly go to some hot, young asian or swedish girl who we would realistically never have a chance with. this is a very stupid and unrealistic expectation. however, it never fails to occur nonetheless.
on this particular occasion, i was introduced to Anna. Anna was not what i was expecting. she was not a young, hot asian or swedish masseuse. Anna was about 5 feet tall. Anna was also about 60 years old. i wasn’t sure how i felt about this.
the next hour changed my mind completely. Anna was the most amazing masseuse i’d ever met. plus, she was totally cool. normally if the masseuse tries to talk to me during the massage, i get very annoyed. (i just want to relax for an hour... just play the peaceful music and shut up!) but, for some reason, it didn’t bother me with her. she was just that cool and just that good.
i probably visited Anna 7 or 8 times over the next few years. i found out that she actually drove all the way to Orange from Victorville. (sometimes, she sat in three hours of traffic!) i felt like this was stupid and let her know my feelings on the subject.
anyway, last week, my mom was going over to the doctor’s office where Anna worked out of. i asked her to put me down for an appointment as long as she was over there. when i saw her later that day, she told me that Anna had died from cancer back in November.
it’s kinda weird cuz it’s not like i was close to this woman. i don’t even know her last name. but she was one of those constants in life. you know? the things or people you take for granted and just expect to be there.
in any case, Anna was cool. she was this short, old grandmother who could probably kick my butt (judging by the strength of her massages), but was totally sweet and wise and caring. and she loved God. and she knew what that meant. and after you spent any time with her, you knew what that meant too. i hope that someday, people can say that about me too.
about three years ago, my mom decided to get me a massage as a gift for my birthday or Christmas or something. anyway, she’d been going to this woman for a long time and hooked me up. upon arriving i was a little... thrown off.
you have to understand... when men think of massages, our minds instantly go to some hot, young asian or swedish girl who we would realistically never have a chance with. this is a very stupid and unrealistic expectation. however, it never fails to occur nonetheless.
on this particular occasion, i was introduced to Anna. Anna was not what i was expecting. she was not a young, hot asian or swedish masseuse. Anna was about 5 feet tall. Anna was also about 60 years old. i wasn’t sure how i felt about this.
the next hour changed my mind completely. Anna was the most amazing masseuse i’d ever met. plus, she was totally cool. normally if the masseuse tries to talk to me during the massage, i get very annoyed. (i just want to relax for an hour... just play the peaceful music and shut up!) but, for some reason, it didn’t bother me with her. she was just that cool and just that good.
i probably visited Anna 7 or 8 times over the next few years. i found out that she actually drove all the way to Orange from Victorville. (sometimes, she sat in three hours of traffic!) i felt like this was stupid and let her know my feelings on the subject.
anyway, last week, my mom was going over to the doctor’s office where Anna worked out of. i asked her to put me down for an appointment as long as she was over there. when i saw her later that day, she told me that Anna had died from cancer back in November.
it’s kinda weird cuz it’s not like i was close to this woman. i don’t even know her last name. but she was one of those constants in life. you know? the things or people you take for granted and just expect to be there.
in any case, Anna was cool. she was this short, old grandmother who could probably kick my butt (judging by the strength of her massages), but was totally sweet and wise and caring. and she loved God. and she knew what that meant. and after you spent any time with her, you knew what that meant too. i hope that someday, people can say that about me too.
"'those people' and a bit of gratitude"
Friday, January 19, 2007
i was talking to my
friend Lisa a month or so ago and she was talking
about how there are just some people in this world
that can bring out the best in you. of course this
means that conversely, there are also those that can
bring out the worst in you.
so, i've been thinking a lot about this idea lately and i think it's very true. i think that the majority of the people in this world don't cause you to be one way or the other. however, i think that, every once in a while, you meet someone who either brings out the best in you and pushes you to be a better person, or brings out the worst in you and makes you realize how horrible of a person you are actually capable of being. (and trust me, we are ALL capable of being horrible people.) fortunately, i've been blessed with a large number of people in my life over the years who have pushed me to be a better person. but, there have been the occasional friends who have turned me into something i'm less than proud of.
i feel like i've experienced both of those situations lately. and let me tell you... the bad one sucks. it's kinda a mirror to your darkest parts. the good thing is that it shows you the areas of your life you have to guard and defend most heavily. the bad thing is, now you have to guard and defend them.
the thing about the people that bring those sides out of you... it doesn't necessarily make them good or bad people (though they might be). they might just be good or bad for you. but there are definitely some people out there that are just bad for me. i look back at the times in my life when i was around people like that, and those are the times that i've hated myself. i don't blame them. i take responsibility for me and my actions. but part of that responsibility is surrounding myself with good people who will build me up and push me to be a better person and staying away from those who could drag me down.
i want to say thank you to all of you who are those people who don't allow me to be complacent and stagnant. the ones who push me to be a better person. i probably don't tell you enough that i appreciate you. thanks.
- matt
so, i've been thinking a lot about this idea lately and i think it's very true. i think that the majority of the people in this world don't cause you to be one way or the other. however, i think that, every once in a while, you meet someone who either brings out the best in you and pushes you to be a better person, or brings out the worst in you and makes you realize how horrible of a person you are actually capable of being. (and trust me, we are ALL capable of being horrible people.) fortunately, i've been blessed with a large number of people in my life over the years who have pushed me to be a better person. but, there have been the occasional friends who have turned me into something i'm less than proud of.
i feel like i've experienced both of those situations lately. and let me tell you... the bad one sucks. it's kinda a mirror to your darkest parts. the good thing is that it shows you the areas of your life you have to guard and defend most heavily. the bad thing is, now you have to guard and defend them.
the thing about the people that bring those sides out of you... it doesn't necessarily make them good or bad people (though they might be). they might just be good or bad for you. but there are definitely some people out there that are just bad for me. i look back at the times in my life when i was around people like that, and those are the times that i've hated myself. i don't blame them. i take responsibility for me and my actions. but part of that responsibility is surrounding myself with good people who will build me up and push me to be a better person and staying away from those who could drag me down.
i want to say thank you to all of you who are those people who don't allow me to be complacent and stagnant. the ones who push me to be a better person. i probably don't tell you enough that i appreciate you. thanks.
- matt
"Christmas: 'you know... for kids!'"
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Christmas this year was different from every other
year in a lot of different ways. if you've been
reading my blogs, i'm sure you can guess that part of
it had to do with what's been going on in my personal
life lately. but today, i'm choosing to focus on the
part of Christmas that was different in a good way.
as many know, the Cork family has been living with my parents for the past four months as their house is being remodeled. (as Ella says, their house is "broken." three year-olds have such a great way of simplifying things.) anyway, it's been pretty awesome to have them there. but Christmas took it to a whole new level.
at some point, Christmas started to become sort of a letdown. i mean, when you're a kid, you have all the build-up and anticipation of this holiday that (from a commercial standpoint... though i suppose from a spiritual one as well in a way) is all about you. what would Santa bring me? what would my parents get me? what would i get to eat? what would our family do? and on and on.
but, as we grow older, the excitment... the magic... it grows less potent. we remember the excitement of Christmas days past, but the present never seems to match it. at least, not for me. that is, until now.
my family decided that we'd do all of our presents on Christmas Eve so that Christmas morning would be all about the kids. for the first time in years, i got caught up in the excitement. only this time, from the other side of the Claus (as it were). i played with the kids on Christmas Eve and helped build the anticipation for the next morning. i stayed up late with Matthew and Mardi and my family and we carefully placed each gift that Santa brought the three kids. (as is quite predictable, some assembly was required as i put out Ella's Little People Castle with drawbridge action and trumpet sounds.) i grew anxious for the next morning as i hadn't in years as we decided upon the optimal placement for these gifts in order to illicit the greatest amount of joy, surprise and excitement from the kids the next morning. it was fantastic!
Matthew and i made the stupid mistake of staying up until 1:00am in the jacuzzi. this was stupid of course because children like to get up REALLY early on Christmas morning to rush downstairs and find what Santa has left for them. the ironic thing though was that i was so excited for them to come down, that i woke up about every 1/2 hour during the night as i slept on the couch because i wanted to make sure that i didn't miss a single thing. in the end, i was up at 6:00am waiting for them and they didn't come down until 7:00. (apparently, my dad got caught up in it too. he was up at 5:45.)
of course the moment came... the children came down. Nolan saw his Nintendo DS and literally fell over with excitment. (just as i did at his age, he quickly disregarded any clothing gifts without even so much as a glance.) Sophie was elated about her rollerblades and her (somewhat creepy) doll whos hair and makeup she can do over and over with the included accessories. and Ella... well, she was so caught up in the excitment of the day that it didn't really matter what she got. seeing her dolls and her Little People Castle with the drawbridge action and the trumpet sounds just added to it. and when she saw the ballerina outfit... well, let's just say she went from pajamas to naked to ballerina in about 24 seconds.
i had more fun just taking pictures and sitting back and watching them tear through it all than i think i ever had being on the receiving end when i was a kid.
when i was little, i remember thinking how boring it must be for parents on Christmas Day. they don't get much (besides clothes and house stuff that nobody wants). they just get to watch the kids get all the good stuff. my perspective has changed a bit over the past 20 years. parents are lucky... i think they actually get the better end of the deal. i can't wait until i get to have Christmas with my own kids.
the rest of Christmas was a little more normal. the family came. we had way too much food. i ate way to much of the food. and, of course there was the inherent sadness of it being the first holiday in several years without Stacy. but, all-in-all... being able to focus on the kids made up for (or at least distracted me from) the things that were missing.
anyway, i hope your Christmas was as good (or better) than mine and that you were able to feel as blessed as i was.
matt
ps... the "you know... for kids!" in the title of this blog is from a movie called "The Hudsucker Proxy" which is this quirkly, great movie about the invention of the hoola-hoop. check it out if you get the chance.
as many know, the Cork family has been living with my parents for the past four months as their house is being remodeled. (as Ella says, their house is "broken." three year-olds have such a great way of simplifying things.) anyway, it's been pretty awesome to have them there. but Christmas took it to a whole new level.
at some point, Christmas started to become sort of a letdown. i mean, when you're a kid, you have all the build-up and anticipation of this holiday that (from a commercial standpoint... though i suppose from a spiritual one as well in a way) is all about you. what would Santa bring me? what would my parents get me? what would i get to eat? what would our family do? and on and on.
but, as we grow older, the excitment... the magic... it grows less potent. we remember the excitement of Christmas days past, but the present never seems to match it. at least, not for me. that is, until now.
my family decided that we'd do all of our presents on Christmas Eve so that Christmas morning would be all about the kids. for the first time in years, i got caught up in the excitement. only this time, from the other side of the Claus (as it were). i played with the kids on Christmas Eve and helped build the anticipation for the next morning. i stayed up late with Matthew and Mardi and my family and we carefully placed each gift that Santa brought the three kids. (as is quite predictable, some assembly was required as i put out Ella's Little People Castle with drawbridge action and trumpet sounds.) i grew anxious for the next morning as i hadn't in years as we decided upon the optimal placement for these gifts in order to illicit the greatest amount of joy, surprise and excitement from the kids the next morning. it was fantastic!
Matthew and i made the stupid mistake of staying up until 1:00am in the jacuzzi. this was stupid of course because children like to get up REALLY early on Christmas morning to rush downstairs and find what Santa has left for them. the ironic thing though was that i was so excited for them to come down, that i woke up about every 1/2 hour during the night as i slept on the couch because i wanted to make sure that i didn't miss a single thing. in the end, i was up at 6:00am waiting for them and they didn't come down until 7:00. (apparently, my dad got caught up in it too. he was up at 5:45.)
of course the moment came... the children came down. Nolan saw his Nintendo DS and literally fell over with excitment. (just as i did at his age, he quickly disregarded any clothing gifts without even so much as a glance.) Sophie was elated about her rollerblades and her (somewhat creepy) doll whos hair and makeup she can do over and over with the included accessories. and Ella... well, she was so caught up in the excitment of the day that it didn't really matter what she got. seeing her dolls and her Little People Castle with the drawbridge action and the trumpet sounds just added to it. and when she saw the ballerina outfit... well, let's just say she went from pajamas to naked to ballerina in about 24 seconds.
i had more fun just taking pictures and sitting back and watching them tear through it all than i think i ever had being on the receiving end when i was a kid.
when i was little, i remember thinking how boring it must be for parents on Christmas Day. they don't get much (besides clothes and house stuff that nobody wants). they just get to watch the kids get all the good stuff. my perspective has changed a bit over the past 20 years. parents are lucky... i think they actually get the better end of the deal. i can't wait until i get to have Christmas with my own kids.
the rest of Christmas was a little more normal. the family came. we had way too much food. i ate way to much of the food. and, of course there was the inherent sadness of it being the first holiday in several years without Stacy. but, all-in-all... being able to focus on the kids made up for (or at least distracted me from) the things that were missing.
anyway, i hope your Christmas was as good (or better) than mine and that you were able to feel as blessed as i was.
matt
ps... the "you know... for kids!" in the title of this blog is from a movie called "The Hudsucker Proxy" which is this quirkly, great movie about the invention of the hoola-hoop. check it out if you get the chance.
"an apology and a smiley face"
Saturday, December 23, 2006
anyway, i've got a new favorite song that i wanted to share. it's by Gnarls Barkley and it's called "Smiley Faces." it's got a great feel to it and all, but its got great lyrics too. (except maybe the bridge which sounds cool but has kinda dumb lyrics.) it's basically about a guy seeing someone who has had a rough life but who's still smiling and enjoying it all. (kinda the same message as "Beautiful Day" by some Irish band whos name i can't currently recall.) anyway... lyrics below.
"Smiley Faces"
what did you do?
what did you say?
did you walk or did you run away?
where are you now?
where have you been?
did you go alone or did you bring a friend?
i need to know this
cuz i noticed you were smiling
out in the sun having fun
feeling free
and i can tell you know how hard this life can be
but you keep on smiling for me
what went right?
what went wrong?
was it a story or was it a song?
was it overnight or did it take you long?
was knowing your weakness what made you strong?
or all the above?
oh how i love to see you smiling
and oh yeah... take a little pain just in case
you need something warm to embrace
to help you put on a smiling face
put on a smiling face
don't you go off into the new day with any doubt
here's a summary of something you can smile about
say for instance my girlfriend she bugs me all the time
but the irony of it all is that she loves me all the time
i wanna be you whenever i see you smiling
because it's easily one of the hardest things to do
your worries and fears become your friends
and they end up smiling at you
put on a smiling face
-----
something for us all to aspire to, i'm sure.
have a great night and keep smiling...
matt
"all you need is love"
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
i've been thinking a lot about love lately. (because,
i'm told, it's all you need.) it's made me realize
that our language kinda sucks. i mean... most other
languages have several words for love in it's many
forms and varieties. there are so many different
types of love out there and we just have one word to
cover them all. most people think everyone is after
the romantic type of love. and sure... they are. but
i don't think that's the one people NEED. when it
really comes down to it, people want and need another
kind of love. the love that is a choice. we want
people to CHOOSE to love us. probably that's a big
reason why i'm a Christian. let me explain.
we all want love. and if you think about it, the times when you're pissed off at someone for some reason, it's because they didn't love you. they didn't show you respect, or kindness, or selflessness, or they weren't patient with you, or they didn't accept you for who you are. it happens all the time. this, of course, is because people suck sometimes. people are imperfect and majorly flawed. and as much as we like to think WE would NEVER do that to anyone else... we do. all the time.
so, we're all wandering around this planet trying to find love wherever we can get it. and that's okay. but the ironic thing is, the one place that it's offered perfectly and freely, most people pass by. and even those of us who don't, we aren't satisfied with it a lot of the time. of course i'm talking about God.
so, here's the situation as i see it. there is a God who has chosen to create us... chosen to stick with us even when we spit in His face... chosen to go above and beyond to give us another chance. and there are people everywhere who are incapable of loving perfectly. incapable of ALWAYS showing love to us. incapable of being there for us all the time. and yet... we choose to try and find that love in the people instead of where we could actually find it. not only do we choose people... but we depend on them and are always hurt so badly when we're let down.
according to God, He IS love (1 John 4:8 amongst other places). and He defines love as being patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, not keeping a record of wrongs, not delighting in evil, rejoicing in truth, always protecting, always trusting, always hopeful, always perservering and never failing (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). (in fact, in that verse, you could replace the word "love" with the word "God" and you suddenly have His defining features.) the interesting thing is... those are all things that one CHOOSES to do or not do. to be or not be. they aren't feelings that we just have. God doesn't love us because we're just so great that He can't help but love us... He loves us because He just simply IS love. He doesn't even have to choose to love us. He just IS patient and kind and all of those things. i feel like i don't know anyone who fits that bill. and yet, that's what we expect from each other and refuse from Him.
don't get me wrong... people are capable of those things. and those are amazing things to strive for and we should be striving for them. but we cannot realistically, with the screwed up state of this world and the screwed up state of the human heart, expect people, even the best of them, to demonstrate that perfect love all the time. i wish we could. i wish i could know beyond a shadow of a doubt that people would accept me completely for who i am. (and i'm a VERY open person. i can't imagine what it must be like for those who are much more private.) but it's just not realistic.
so, as Christians we strive to be more like the Biblical definition of love. (which, even if you don't believe, you have to admit is a pretty good definition.) in doing so, we're striving to be more like Him. and that's all He asks of us. the show His love to those around us. (of course, Christians, as an organization, fail at this more than we succeed i think. how badly have we screwed up God's message to this world?)
so, maybe John, Paul, George and Ringo really were onto something. maybe all you really need is Love. let's just be realistic about where it's coming from.
--matt
ps... if you're into the Beatles (and who isn't?)... George Martin (their original manager and producer) just spent a few years reworking some of the original recordings to be used in a Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas entitled "Love" and they just released the soundtrack. it's really cool the way he "mashed up" some of the songs together and it's been getting fantastic reviews.
we all want love. and if you think about it, the times when you're pissed off at someone for some reason, it's because they didn't love you. they didn't show you respect, or kindness, or selflessness, or they weren't patient with you, or they didn't accept you for who you are. it happens all the time. this, of course, is because people suck sometimes. people are imperfect and majorly flawed. and as much as we like to think WE would NEVER do that to anyone else... we do. all the time.
so, we're all wandering around this planet trying to find love wherever we can get it. and that's okay. but the ironic thing is, the one place that it's offered perfectly and freely, most people pass by. and even those of us who don't, we aren't satisfied with it a lot of the time. of course i'm talking about God.
so, here's the situation as i see it. there is a God who has chosen to create us... chosen to stick with us even when we spit in His face... chosen to go above and beyond to give us another chance. and there are people everywhere who are incapable of loving perfectly. incapable of ALWAYS showing love to us. incapable of being there for us all the time. and yet... we choose to try and find that love in the people instead of where we could actually find it. not only do we choose people... but we depend on them and are always hurt so badly when we're let down.
according to God, He IS love (1 John 4:8 amongst other places). and He defines love as being patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, not keeping a record of wrongs, not delighting in evil, rejoicing in truth, always protecting, always trusting, always hopeful, always perservering and never failing (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). (in fact, in that verse, you could replace the word "love" with the word "God" and you suddenly have His defining features.) the interesting thing is... those are all things that one CHOOSES to do or not do. to be or not be. they aren't feelings that we just have. God doesn't love us because we're just so great that He can't help but love us... He loves us because He just simply IS love. He doesn't even have to choose to love us. He just IS patient and kind and all of those things. i feel like i don't know anyone who fits that bill. and yet, that's what we expect from each other and refuse from Him.
don't get me wrong... people are capable of those things. and those are amazing things to strive for and we should be striving for them. but we cannot realistically, with the screwed up state of this world and the screwed up state of the human heart, expect people, even the best of them, to demonstrate that perfect love all the time. i wish we could. i wish i could know beyond a shadow of a doubt that people would accept me completely for who i am. (and i'm a VERY open person. i can't imagine what it must be like for those who are much more private.) but it's just not realistic.
so, as Christians we strive to be more like the Biblical definition of love. (which, even if you don't believe, you have to admit is a pretty good definition.) in doing so, we're striving to be more like Him. and that's all He asks of us. the show His love to those around us. (of course, Christians, as an organization, fail at this more than we succeed i think. how badly have we screwed up God's message to this world?)
so, maybe John, Paul, George and Ringo really were onto something. maybe all you really need is Love. let's just be realistic about where it's coming from.
--matt
ps... if you're into the Beatles (and who isn't?)... George Martin (their original manager and producer) just spent a few years reworking some of the original recordings to be used in a Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas entitled "Love" and they just released the soundtrack. it's really cool the way he "mashed up" some of the songs together and it's been getting fantastic reviews.
"window in the skies"
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
to go piggyback off of the blog i posted about 20
seconds ago... i had another thought that goes right
along with what i said.
i've had this new U2 song "Window in the Skies" (off their new greatest hits album, U218 Singles) stuck in my head since the day it came out and i first heard it. (actually, the day after Stacy and i broke up.) this is a band who totally gets what i was talking about in the "All You Need is Love" blog. they sing about it... but they live it too.
look at the amazing things Bono's chosen to do with his fame. he has literally changed the world in huge ways. he's saved thousands of lives (or more) through the Drop the Debt, One, (product)red and Make Poverty History campaigns. he could easily be selfish and just enjoy being famous and successful... but he's chosen to leverage what he has to make a difference and show God's love in this world. and he's made it very easy for you and i to get involved. (www.joinred.com or www.one.org or www.data.org or www.makepovertyhistory.org or www.musicrising.org)
anyway... U2 has a tendancy to weave Christian themes into their music. (have you ever really listened to the lyrics of "Vertigo," or "Mysterious Ways?") this song, "Window in the Skies," is pretty blatantly about the story of God's love for us. (and it's sorta Beatles-esque in its sound.) here are the lyrics...
"Window in the Skies"
the shackles are undone
the bullet's quit the gun
the heat that's in the sun
will keep us when there's none
the rule has been disproved
the stone it has been moved
the grave is now a groove
all debts are removed
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
what it's done to me?
love makes strange enemies
makes love where love may please
the soul and it's striptease
hate brought to it's knees
the sky over our head
we can reach it from our bed
you let me in your heart
and out of my head
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
what it's done to me
please don't ever let me out of you
i've got no shame. oh no. oh no.
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
what it's doing to me
i know i hurt you and i made you cry
did everything but murder you and i
but, love left a window in the skies
and to love i rhapsodize
to every broken heart
for every heart that cries
love left a window in the skies
and to love i rhapsodize
i've had this new U2 song "Window in the Skies" (off their new greatest hits album, U218 Singles) stuck in my head since the day it came out and i first heard it. (actually, the day after Stacy and i broke up.) this is a band who totally gets what i was talking about in the "All You Need is Love" blog. they sing about it... but they live it too.
look at the amazing things Bono's chosen to do with his fame. he has literally changed the world in huge ways. he's saved thousands of lives (or more) through the Drop the Debt, One, (product)red and Make Poverty History campaigns. he could easily be selfish and just enjoy being famous and successful... but he's chosen to leverage what he has to make a difference and show God's love in this world. and he's made it very easy for you and i to get involved. (www.joinred.com or www.one.org or www.data.org or www.makepovertyhistory.org or www.musicrising.org)
anyway... U2 has a tendancy to weave Christian themes into their music. (have you ever really listened to the lyrics of "Vertigo," or "Mysterious Ways?") this song, "Window in the Skies," is pretty blatantly about the story of God's love for us. (and it's sorta Beatles-esque in its sound.) here are the lyrics...
"Window in the Skies"
the shackles are undone
the bullet's quit the gun
the heat that's in the sun
will keep us when there's none
the rule has been disproved
the stone it has been moved
the grave is now a groove
all debts are removed
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
what it's done to me?
love makes strange enemies
makes love where love may please
the soul and it's striptease
hate brought to it's knees
the sky over our head
we can reach it from our bed
you let me in your heart
and out of my head
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
what it's done to me
please don't ever let me out of you
i've got no shame. oh no. oh no.
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
oh can't you see what love has done?
what it's doing to me
i know i hurt you and i made you cry
did everything but murder you and i
but, love left a window in the skies
and to love i rhapsodize
to every broken heart
for every heart that cries
love left a window in the skies
and to love i rhapsodize
"'where do you see yourself in 10 years?' is a stupid question" (day five)
Saturday, November 25, 2006
people always ask dumb
questions like that. i think i probably used to as
well. but last night, i got a whole new perspective
on it.
last night was my 10 year high school reunion. it was very surreal. i saw a lot of people i didn't necessarily want to see. i saw some people that i did. i had the same conversation about 50 times. "so... what have you been up to?" also known as "please summarize the last 10 years of your life in about 30 seconds before i lose interest and move on to the next person i don't particularly care about." it was actually kinda entertaining.
some of the people are exactly where they were 10 years ago. some have made something of themselves... some have not. some have families... most didn't. some of the groups that i saw leave together at the end of high school... they showed up together last night. that's a little strange for me because i, very quickly, moved on from high school never to look back. i'm not judging... good for them that they found their lifelong friends at age 16. i did not.
but it got me thinking... i remember graduating from Lutheran High School of Orange County way back in 1997 and thinking, "i wonder what it will be like at my 10 year reunion." it was not too different from what i had envisioned for everyone else... but not for me. i never questioned that i would be there with my wife and that we would probably have a child at home. i never questioned that i would be knee deep in a successful career of some sort. i never questioned that i would have made so much progress in 10 years that the many "less than motivated" peers that i graduated with would just have to be impressed. it's funny that i never questioned those things. i guess i should have.
am i really so different at 28 from the person i was at 18? i mean... sure. i've grown up. i've changed. i've had a million life experiences that have brought me to where i am today. but... i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do. i'm still looking forward to the wife and the family life. and, of course, to make it all worse... i just kinda started it all over this week. i mean, any progress that i'd made toward those things just sorta fell by the wayside.
so, while i'm not out partying and clubbing with my high school friends like many of the people i saw last night (and thank God i'm not), am i really that different from them? they're doing the same things they were doing 10 years ago... and so am i. i'm still here. i haven't really moved. (and i'm not talking about geography.) did i just waste a decade? i don't think so. but maybe i did.
what a traumatic week. WAY too much to think about. so much more than i've even shared. i am overwhelmed. but i can't let myself be bogged down in self-pity. i'm giving myself until Monday to do nothing and allow myself to process. as of Monday, i'm going to start figuring my life out. it's time. i don't know where i see myself in 10 years... but it sure as hell ain't here.
last night was my 10 year high school reunion. it was very surreal. i saw a lot of people i didn't necessarily want to see. i saw some people that i did. i had the same conversation about 50 times. "so... what have you been up to?" also known as "please summarize the last 10 years of your life in about 30 seconds before i lose interest and move on to the next person i don't particularly care about." it was actually kinda entertaining.
some of the people are exactly where they were 10 years ago. some have made something of themselves... some have not. some have families... most didn't. some of the groups that i saw leave together at the end of high school... they showed up together last night. that's a little strange for me because i, very quickly, moved on from high school never to look back. i'm not judging... good for them that they found their lifelong friends at age 16. i did not.
but it got me thinking... i remember graduating from Lutheran High School of Orange County way back in 1997 and thinking, "i wonder what it will be like at my 10 year reunion." it was not too different from what i had envisioned for everyone else... but not for me. i never questioned that i would be there with my wife and that we would probably have a child at home. i never questioned that i would be knee deep in a successful career of some sort. i never questioned that i would have made so much progress in 10 years that the many "less than motivated" peers that i graduated with would just have to be impressed. it's funny that i never questioned those things. i guess i should have.
am i really so different at 28 from the person i was at 18? i mean... sure. i've grown up. i've changed. i've had a million life experiences that have brought me to where i am today. but... i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do. i'm still looking forward to the wife and the family life. and, of course, to make it all worse... i just kinda started it all over this week. i mean, any progress that i'd made toward those things just sorta fell by the wayside.
so, while i'm not out partying and clubbing with my high school friends like many of the people i saw last night (and thank God i'm not), am i really that different from them? they're doing the same things they were doing 10 years ago... and so am i. i'm still here. i haven't really moved. (and i'm not talking about geography.) did i just waste a decade? i don't think so. but maybe i did.
what a traumatic week. WAY too much to think about. so much more than i've even shared. i am overwhelmed. but i can't let myself be bogged down in self-pity. i'm giving myself until Monday to do nothing and allow myself to process. as of Monday, i'm going to start figuring my life out. it's time. i don't know where i see myself in 10 years... but it sure as hell ain't here.
"a night at the Radisson in Visalia"
Saturday, February 18, 2006
know what you're asking
yourself. "why, dear God, would he be at the Radisson
in Visalia!?!?" well, normally i would be as weirded
out by the thought as i imagine you are right now,
but tonight is different.
i'm here to visit my friend, Jen. Jen is one of my oldest friends and one of my most unique relationships. Jen and i met, very randomly, in high school at a leadership camp at UCSB. we have one of those rare/great relationships where, from the moment we met, we were instant friends. we don't see each other much (because she lives in freakin' Visalia!), but when we see each other, it's as if no time has passed at all. (even though, at times, it's actually been years.)
normally, when i see Jen, it's in Orange County. i live there and she lives in Visalia so i automatically win when we play the "where are we going to meet up?" game. so, why am i here? two weeks ago, Jen gave birth to a little girl she named Nathalie. because of these extenuating circumstances, she won the battle this time. but that's not what this blog is about.
i don't know what it is about this baby, but i think she might actually be as close to perfect as a baby can come. as soon as i got to the house, i was handed the baby and i didn't want to let her go. (this is abnormal for me as i'm generally bored with babies who cannot walk, talk or at least crawl.) for some reason, i'm totally enamoured with this child and totally weirded out by the fact that this baby belongs to my friend.
i think it's because she's really my first close friend who's my age to have a baby. maybe it's because it makes me realize that i am (and people i'm friends with are) capable of doing this thing that i already know i'm capable of doing, but am not actually sure i could do. plus, i've known Jen for so long and i still think of her as the goofy high schooler i met at UCSB all those years ago. so, the whole thing is this weird experience for me. i don't know. i've been around babies a lot, but somehow this one is different.
then i got to thinking about the idiots in this world who take children for granted. these people who have kids and don't appreciate them or realize how amazingly great they are and what a miracle they are. the ones who actually treat their kids like animals or worse. the one's who don't want their own children. i thought about this tonight as i was holding Nathalie and she looked up at me with those piercing eyes and she gripped my finger with those fragile little hands. i mean, if anyone ever needed proof of God... there she is. and millions more like her. how could you look at any of them and see anything but God? to ignore that... to somehow see a burden or a mistake... i can't even fathom it.
so, now i'm back at my room at the Radisson in Visalia just in awe of God's creation. anyway, sorry this one isn't funny or random. maybe you understand what i'm talking about, and maybe you don't. if you don't, that's okay. it took 27 years for it to hit me.
i'm here to visit my friend, Jen. Jen is one of my oldest friends and one of my most unique relationships. Jen and i met, very randomly, in high school at a leadership camp at UCSB. we have one of those rare/great relationships where, from the moment we met, we were instant friends. we don't see each other much (because she lives in freakin' Visalia!), but when we see each other, it's as if no time has passed at all. (even though, at times, it's actually been years.)
normally, when i see Jen, it's in Orange County. i live there and she lives in Visalia so i automatically win when we play the "where are we going to meet up?" game. so, why am i here? two weeks ago, Jen gave birth to a little girl she named Nathalie. because of these extenuating circumstances, she won the battle this time. but that's not what this blog is about.
i don't know what it is about this baby, but i think she might actually be as close to perfect as a baby can come. as soon as i got to the house, i was handed the baby and i didn't want to let her go. (this is abnormal for me as i'm generally bored with babies who cannot walk, talk or at least crawl.) for some reason, i'm totally enamoured with this child and totally weirded out by the fact that this baby belongs to my friend.
i think it's because she's really my first close friend who's my age to have a baby. maybe it's because it makes me realize that i am (and people i'm friends with are) capable of doing this thing that i already know i'm capable of doing, but am not actually sure i could do. plus, i've known Jen for so long and i still think of her as the goofy high schooler i met at UCSB all those years ago. so, the whole thing is this weird experience for me. i don't know. i've been around babies a lot, but somehow this one is different.
then i got to thinking about the idiots in this world who take children for granted. these people who have kids and don't appreciate them or realize how amazingly great they are and what a miracle they are. the ones who actually treat their kids like animals or worse. the one's who don't want their own children. i thought about this tonight as i was holding Nathalie and she looked up at me with those piercing eyes and she gripped my finger with those fragile little hands. i mean, if anyone ever needed proof of God... there she is. and millions more like her. how could you look at any of them and see anything but God? to ignore that... to somehow see a burden or a mistake... i can't even fathom it.
so, now i'm back at my room at the Radisson in Visalia just in awe of God's creation. anyway, sorry this one isn't funny or random. maybe you understand what i'm talking about, and maybe you don't. if you don't, that's okay. it took 27 years for it to hit me.