"no more numbering days" (day 11) "crap... starting tomorrow."
Friday, December 01, 2006 Filed in: my life
i guess i shouldn't be
numbering the days since we broke up. i think that it
probably makes things worse... like it's the center
point of my life or something. i mean, right now...
it feels like it is. but eventually, it
wont/shouldn't be. anyway...
Stacy posted a blog the other day about all the memories we have together. it was one of those really funny and really sad all at the same time kinda blogs. (it was mostly accurate with a few small exceptions.) i guess i've been thinking a lot about that kinda stuff too. though, i think for me... the focus has been more on the things that i normally do with her that i now have to do without her.
almost every week for the past 2 1/2 years, Stacy and i went to Target together. we discovered Corner Bakery together and ate their often. she introduced me to sushi and we had it very regularly. we watched a lot of TV and movies together. at night, if one of us went to the bathroom or something, the other would hide somewhere in the house and try to scare the crap out of the one who was in there when they came out. we drove everywhere together. we went shopping at Fashion Island and South Coast Plaza pretty regularly. we worked at church together. we went to musicals and plays. we went to lunch several days a week together. we had dinner together almost every day. we sat up talking about and solving the problems of the world all the time. we went to the movies. we played with the Cork kids. we went to concerts and listened to a lot of music together. we talked about going to the gym and then went to do something else anyway. we went on vacations together. we hung out with my family. we supported each other when things sucked and celebrated when things were awesome. in case you're not getting the point, we did everything together. we lived life together.
so, life is very different now. all these things that i couldn't imagine doing without her... now i'm doing them without her. Target wasn't the same without stalking her up and down the aisles and amazing her with my stealth-like abilities. not going straight to her cubical when i come into the office goes against every instinct in me. shopping is boring. Corner Bakery and sushi are lonely and empty. life in general is less full.
i hope she's doing better. (hopefully being surrounded by friends is a helpful distraction.) not that i'm doing horribly... i'm actually doing better than i thought i'd be. (i am REALLY bored which just gives me more time to think, unfortunately.) it just takes some MAJOR getting used to. it's giving up a whole way of life. it's giving up apart of your identity. it's looking at the world in a new way. i know it will get easier. in some ways, it already has. but... i still miss her a lot. and it doesn't matter if i take down pictures or if i remove her from my myspace or whatever... because i'm surrounded by the memories of us everywhere. it's just something i have to deal with.
most of all though... i just miss talking to her.
matt
ps... despite what she might say, i actually am a good liar and she believed a good number of my stories (mountain cooling machines... Joe loves Dawn... and more). also, it was i who did the majority of the waiting outside dressing rooms while shopping. not her. the rest of what she said was pretty much true.
Stacy posted a blog the other day about all the memories we have together. it was one of those really funny and really sad all at the same time kinda blogs. (it was mostly accurate with a few small exceptions.) i guess i've been thinking a lot about that kinda stuff too. though, i think for me... the focus has been more on the things that i normally do with her that i now have to do without her.
almost every week for the past 2 1/2 years, Stacy and i went to Target together. we discovered Corner Bakery together and ate their often. she introduced me to sushi and we had it very regularly. we watched a lot of TV and movies together. at night, if one of us went to the bathroom or something, the other would hide somewhere in the house and try to scare the crap out of the one who was in there when they came out. we drove everywhere together. we went shopping at Fashion Island and South Coast Plaza pretty regularly. we worked at church together. we went to musicals and plays. we went to lunch several days a week together. we had dinner together almost every day. we sat up talking about and solving the problems of the world all the time. we went to the movies. we played with the Cork kids. we went to concerts and listened to a lot of music together. we talked about going to the gym and then went to do something else anyway. we went on vacations together. we hung out with my family. we supported each other when things sucked and celebrated when things were awesome. in case you're not getting the point, we did everything together. we lived life together.
so, life is very different now. all these things that i couldn't imagine doing without her... now i'm doing them without her. Target wasn't the same without stalking her up and down the aisles and amazing her with my stealth-like abilities. not going straight to her cubical when i come into the office goes against every instinct in me. shopping is boring. Corner Bakery and sushi are lonely and empty. life in general is less full.
i hope she's doing better. (hopefully being surrounded by friends is a helpful distraction.) not that i'm doing horribly... i'm actually doing better than i thought i'd be. (i am REALLY bored which just gives me more time to think, unfortunately.) it just takes some MAJOR getting used to. it's giving up a whole way of life. it's giving up apart of your identity. it's looking at the world in a new way. i know it will get easier. in some ways, it already has. but... i still miss her a lot. and it doesn't matter if i take down pictures or if i remove her from my myspace or whatever... because i'm surrounded by the memories of us everywhere. it's just something i have to deal with.
most of all though... i just miss talking to her.
matt
ps... despite what she might say, i actually am a good liar and she believed a good number of my stories (mountain cooling machines... Joe loves Dawn... and more). also, it was i who did the majority of the waiting outside dressing rooms while shopping. not her. the rest of what she said was pretty much true.