"strike that... reverse it" (day eight)
Tuesday, November 28, 2006 Filed in: my life
should be short today.
today was the inverse of yesterday. started off as the worst day yet. woke up feeling like i'd been hit by a truck. panic attacks... spontaneous outbursts of crying... the whole works.
went to lunch with some good friends who let me just talk. that really helped. talked to another friend after that. came to some realizations. of course, these realizations cause me to question everything that i've done and everything that i'm doing. but... at least i feel like i'm making some progress.
this afternoon was good. had a meeting at the church. it was the first time i'd been in the offices since we broke up. a little strange to know that she was right behind that wall. hard not to go and plop myself down in the chair in her cubical like i always do. but, good to be able to go there and not have the world end (as was my fear, of course).
right now i'm feeling a lot of anxiety. but it's better i think than before.
i decided last night (and again today) that i'm going to visit a therapist. i've never done it before but i think i should. i have some issues that i'm discovering and didn't necessarily realize or want to admit before. i think i use certain situations as distractions (emotionally) so that i don't have to deal with the reality of my situation. of course, in the end, reality always gets ya. because of that, i also have some guilt issues.
it would be good for me to have someone to talk to. someone who is not biased and will tell me the things i don't necessarily want to hear. i have a lot of questions right now. a lot. i need someone to help me find the answers. i'll let you know how that goes.
thank you to my friends for being my friends even though it may be awkward or strange to be so at this time.
on the edge of sanity...
matt
today was the inverse of yesterday. started off as the worst day yet. woke up feeling like i'd been hit by a truck. panic attacks... spontaneous outbursts of crying... the whole works.
went to lunch with some good friends who let me just talk. that really helped. talked to another friend after that. came to some realizations. of course, these realizations cause me to question everything that i've done and everything that i'm doing. but... at least i feel like i'm making some progress.
this afternoon was good. had a meeting at the church. it was the first time i'd been in the offices since we broke up. a little strange to know that she was right behind that wall. hard not to go and plop myself down in the chair in her cubical like i always do. but, good to be able to go there and not have the world end (as was my fear, of course).
right now i'm feeling a lot of anxiety. but it's better i think than before.
i decided last night (and again today) that i'm going to visit a therapist. i've never done it before but i think i should. i have some issues that i'm discovering and didn't necessarily realize or want to admit before. i think i use certain situations as distractions (emotionally) so that i don't have to deal with the reality of my situation. of course, in the end, reality always gets ya. because of that, i also have some guilt issues.
it would be good for me to have someone to talk to. someone who is not biased and will tell me the things i don't necessarily want to hear. i have a lot of questions right now. a lot. i need someone to help me find the answers. i'll let you know how that goes.
thank you to my friends for being my friends even though it may be awkward or strange to be so at this time.
on the edge of sanity...
matt