"the dumb ideas i get in my head"
Sunday, December 03, 2006 Filed in: my life
i went to my parent's for dinner tonight. (big
shock!) as i was watching last week's Boston Legal
(Matthew hadn't seen it yet), and playing with the
kids all night... i kept checking my cell phone. i
don't know why, but i somehow got it in my head that
since she called randomly last Sunday night, maybe
she'd call again tonight. i thought of this on Friday
and i've been looking forward to tonight ever since.
how dumb. not so much dumb that i was excited about
her calling... but that i, for no good reason,
convinced myself that it was going to happen. i don't
even know what we'd say... i just miss the sound of
her voice. i worry about her and how she is doing.
is it selfish or stupid that sometimes i worry that she's doing better than i am? i should hope that she is. i mean... a large part of me... most of me even... hopes that she is. i want her to be doing well. i want her to be happy. i want her to find the distractions in our friends that i'm not able to find. in fact, i want that so badly for her that i regularly call/text/e-mail our friends to make sure that they're taking good care of her. but... you know what they say... "misery loves company." part of me doesn't want to think that she's actually doing as well as i hope she is. i guess that's kinda sick.
anyway... my laundry is done. i have to go and switch loads now. (clean underwear, shirts and towels are important!)
goodnight my friends.
matt
ps... tonight, when i was playing with Ella, she asked if Stacy was coming over. i told her "no." she looked at me and said "i miss Stacy." i said "me too." and she gave me a hug. it couldn't have been any more bittersweet.
pps... if you like old hymns at all (and who doesn't?) :-), check out Avalon's new hymns record. i thought it sounded lame at first too... but they did some really cool new stuff to some really deep old songs. you can check it out on iTunes or buy it in a store. it's called "Faith: A Hymns Collection."
is it selfish or stupid that sometimes i worry that she's doing better than i am? i should hope that she is. i mean... a large part of me... most of me even... hopes that she is. i want her to be doing well. i want her to be happy. i want her to find the distractions in our friends that i'm not able to find. in fact, i want that so badly for her that i regularly call/text/e-mail our friends to make sure that they're taking good care of her. but... you know what they say... "misery loves company." part of me doesn't want to think that she's actually doing as well as i hope she is. i guess that's kinda sick.
anyway... my laundry is done. i have to go and switch loads now. (clean underwear, shirts and towels are important!)
goodnight my friends.
matt
ps... tonight, when i was playing with Ella, she asked if Stacy was coming over. i told her "no." she looked at me and said "i miss Stacy." i said "me too." and she gave me a hug. it couldn't have been any more bittersweet.
pps... if you like old hymns at all (and who doesn't?) :-), check out Avalon's new hymns record. i thought it sounded lame at first too... but they did some really cool new stuff to some really deep old songs. you can check it out on iTunes or buy it in a store. it's called "Faith: A Hymns Collection."