"it's just instinct"

so... one of the reasons i've been having such a hard time with this whole thing (and this is just one of many) is that since there was no warning that the end was coming, i didn't know that the last time we did things was going to be the last time we did them.
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little things. like going to lunch with our friends after church on Sunday. (we do it pretty much every week.) or going to dinner on Saturday nights. or eating sushi. or going to Target. all the things i've already posted about. usually, when you have a major transition in life, you see it coming. you prepare yourself. but we didn't get that.

i remember last year when we decided to take some time apart from each other, we decided to have one last night out. it was a little awkward at first because we both knew that when it was over, we were going to go our seperate ways for a while. but, after a bit, it ended up being one of the most fun nights we've had. i'm sure that's one of those things that was harder for her, but made it easier for me.

this morning, i knew she was down in her room at church. i'm so used to just going down there to see her that i kept almost doing it without thinking. it was instinctual.

anyway... those are my random thoughts for the day.

-matt