"my significant insignificance and maybe too much information"
Saturday, August 02, 2008 Filed in: my life
| deep thoughts
as i’ve been here in
Maui for the past few days, i’ve been spending a lot
of my time reading in preparation for my first
college teaching assignment at Biola this fall. the
book that i’ve been spending most of my time on is by
a pastor from Simi Valley named Francis Chan and is
called Crazy
Love. (by
the way, i absolutely recommend that you go straight
to amazon.com or wherever after you’re done reading
this and pick up this book.)
the book is really challenging. it really makes you think about who God is and who we are in relationship to Him. it makes you deal with the realities of what God really expects from us and the appropriate ways to respond to His crazy love for us.
there’s a part of the book that talks about how small we are in reality. it even points to a video (“the awe factor of God”) on Francis’ website where he (very briefly) shows how small we are in the grand design of the cosmos. (it’s pretty crazy really.) anyway, all of this is good and somewhat impactful when you’re reading it in a book, but you have to encounter it for it to really hit you hard. (at least, i do.)
tonight, i went out for a walk. (i go on night walks at least a few nights a week if not more. it’s how i wind down and process the day with God.) anyhow, i was walking up and down our neighborhood here in Kaanapali having a nice little walk and talk with God when i hit a dark spot... the in-between spot for two streetlights. i hit that spot and, for some reason, i looked up. it was amazing.
there were so many stars. and it seemed like, the more i stared at the sky, the more stars appeared. as if they were responding to my gaze, stars started popping out of the blackness and the void of space began to fill with specks of light. i literally couldn’t move for a moment. suddenly, the things i had just been talking with God about seemed rather insignificant. in fact, life in general seemed pretty insignificant.
i was reminded of Francis’ video and the fact that all of those stars that i could see (including ours) when put together are but a speck of light from a perspective outside of our galaxy. suddenly, the Earth felt pretty small and insignificant. and if the whole Earth is small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe, what does that say about me?
but here’s the weird part. the fact that God created all of that and still cares about what could easily be considered the insignificant details of my life is pretty insane to think about. to Him, they’re not insignificant. to Him, i’m not insignificant. to Him, i matter and so do the details of my life. that just doesn’t make any sense to me. (not that i’m complaining!)
suddenly, all i wanted to do was worship God somehow. and then it happened. (and this is the part that might be considered too much information.) as i began to contemplate how i could possibly respond in an appropriate manner, my dinner began to settle, my stomach growled and, standing there in the middle of the street looking up at the stars... i farted.
immediately i started to laugh at the irony of that moment. i mean... not only am i a small, seemingly (and reasonably so) insignificant being, but i’m gross and, in this moment, gassy. and yet, even in the midst of the great cosmos that He created, He still cares. as disgusting as i can be (both inside and out), He still loves me with an unbelievable love.
i’m not totally sure how to respond to the crazy love that God has for me. but, now i’m on a quest to figure it out.
- barnes
ps... if you wanna be blown away by how small we really are, check out the wikipedia entry on galaxies. after i just read that, i’m feeling even smaller. (each galaxy has somewhere between 10 million and 1 trillion stars and there are more than 100 billion galaxies out there! we’re just on one tiny little rock orbitting one of those stars in one of those galaxies. freakin’ crazy!)
the book is really challenging. it really makes you think about who God is and who we are in relationship to Him. it makes you deal with the realities of what God really expects from us and the appropriate ways to respond to His crazy love for us.
there’s a part of the book that talks about how small we are in reality. it even points to a video (“the awe factor of God”) on Francis’ website where he (very briefly) shows how small we are in the grand design of the cosmos. (it’s pretty crazy really.) anyway, all of this is good and somewhat impactful when you’re reading it in a book, but you have to encounter it for it to really hit you hard. (at least, i do.)
tonight, i went out for a walk. (i go on night walks at least a few nights a week if not more. it’s how i wind down and process the day with God.) anyhow, i was walking up and down our neighborhood here in Kaanapali having a nice little walk and talk with God when i hit a dark spot... the in-between spot for two streetlights. i hit that spot and, for some reason, i looked up. it was amazing.
there were so many stars. and it seemed like, the more i stared at the sky, the more stars appeared. as if they were responding to my gaze, stars started popping out of the blackness and the void of space began to fill with specks of light. i literally couldn’t move for a moment. suddenly, the things i had just been talking with God about seemed rather insignificant. in fact, life in general seemed pretty insignificant.
i was reminded of Francis’ video and the fact that all of those stars that i could see (including ours) when put together are but a speck of light from a perspective outside of our galaxy. suddenly, the Earth felt pretty small and insignificant. and if the whole Earth is small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe, what does that say about me?
but here’s the weird part. the fact that God created all of that and still cares about what could easily be considered the insignificant details of my life is pretty insane to think about. to Him, they’re not insignificant. to Him, i’m not insignificant. to Him, i matter and so do the details of my life. that just doesn’t make any sense to me. (not that i’m complaining!)
suddenly, all i wanted to do was worship God somehow. and then it happened. (and this is the part that might be considered too much information.) as i began to contemplate how i could possibly respond in an appropriate manner, my dinner began to settle, my stomach growled and, standing there in the middle of the street looking up at the stars... i farted.
immediately i started to laugh at the irony of that moment. i mean... not only am i a small, seemingly (and reasonably so) insignificant being, but i’m gross and, in this moment, gassy. and yet, even in the midst of the great cosmos that He created, He still cares. as disgusting as i can be (both inside and out), He still loves me with an unbelievable love.
i’m not totally sure how to respond to the crazy love that God has for me. but, now i’m on a quest to figure it out.
- barnes
ps... if you wanna be blown away by how small we really are, check out the wikipedia entry on galaxies. after i just read that, i’m feeling even smaller. (each galaxy has somewhere between 10 million and 1 trillion stars and there are more than 100 billion galaxies out there! we’re just on one tiny little rock orbitting one of those stars in one of those galaxies. freakin’ crazy!)