"i think i'm gonna throw up"

tonight was the first time i've been back working with the kids at church since the breakup. it was weird. to do that without her... it was weird. it felt wrong. worship went okay... then after that... while i was teaching... i sorta felt like the room was closing in on me. it had to be my worst lesson ever. Stacy wasn't there tonight (she had the night off), but to be in her room, on her stage... teaching and leading worship without her.
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it just... it didn't feel right. plus, these kids (who i adore) kept asking where Stacy was. i had to say "i don't know." obviously, they don't have a clue that we broke up. (they probably didn't know we were together in the first place.... kids are slow sometimes!) but it was strange to say that i didn't know where she was and then realize that i really didn't know where she was.

anyway, after church on Saturday nights, we usually go to dinner. a lot of the time we go to Mimi's or go out with my parents or something. church ended and i really didn't know what to do with myself. do i go home and be alone on a Saturday night? do i call anyone i can think of to desperately make plans? before i could decide, i ran into Phil and Tammy who have been trying to get me to try this Italian place they love in Fullerton. so, Phil, Tammy, my parents and another older couple went on over and had dinner. it was fun (Phil and my dad together usually are pretty entertaining)... but hello? i'm hanging out with my parents and two couples that are their age! this was my Saturday night fun. this is why i'm in the market for new friends. i'm accepting applications now! somebody save me from hanging out with couples in their 50s!

anyway, the food was good and i ate too much and now i feel like i could totally hurl. (does anyone say "hurl" anymore?) i'm really tired too... so i think i'll hit the sack early (10:45 is WAY early for me) and try and get a little caught up on my zzz's. (not that i snore. well... some say that i do. but i think they're full of crap.)

goodnight...

matt